Hippie or Hippy, n; pl Hippies: a usually young person who rejects the mores of established society and advocates a nonviolent ethic; broadly: a long-haired unconventionally dressed young person. (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary)

The Love Generation from the 1960s inspired many things that need to be recognized. For example: the widespread use of psychedelics and marijuana, important lessons in unwanted pregnancy and contraceptive methods, stoner movies, music festivals, hydroponic cultivation techniques, and simple yet important inventions like the water bong.

The water bong is a device that was undoubtedly discovered by a guy or gal who farted in the bathtub. He noticed that the stench of his underwater flatulence was much more potent than just a regular, above-water fart. He embraced this idea that, if his farts were more potent underwater, then obviously, weed smoke filtered through water must be more potent, as well. And for that, my hippy friends, we thank you.

Now that we’ve gotten a couple of thank yous out of the way, we need to identify the Hippycrite.

Hippycrite, n; pl Hippycrites: an unconventionally dressed young person who shops at Whole Foods, wears traditional hippie apparel because it looks cool, and generally thinks he is more knowledgeable about current events and politics and refuses to concede or compromise in an intelligent argument; also: a smug college kid who looks down his nose at “regular” people who don’t eat organic food and receives money from his parents yet pretends that he is independent and self-sufficient; also: a young person who refuses to believe that he is conforming to a nonconformist belief system. (Johnny Valentine Dicktionary)

In the ’60s, it was a common misconception that hippies were just long-haired, anti-bathing, braless, crazed individuals who spent their days smoking pot, having unprotected sex with many anonymous partners, and dropping LSD. (Of course, hallucinogens, mass orgies, and marijuana use were commonly associated with the hippy name.) However, these people had a great idea of how to live and work together, grow their own food (and weed), live off of the earth, and challenge the established norms of society in a peaceful, nonviolent way. There are many lessons we can take from the Flower Children of the 1960s.

The new-age hippies or hippycrites are a far cry from the real hippies of the 1960s. The movement was not just a fad to real hippies. It wasn’t a fashion statement. It wasn’t something that people did just so they could say, “We’re better than you because we shop at Whole Foods and are active in our community and we ride bikes to spare the environment from greenhouse gas emissions.”

Give me a break. I ride a bike, too, and I have long hair, I love music festivals, and I love to smoke really good pot and trip on LSD and mushrooms; but I’m not trying to force my beliefs down anyone’s throat.

I’m open to many things. I’ll try anything twice, but I won’t sit down and try to have an intelligent conversation with you smelly, super-tight-jeans-cut-like-capris-wearing, Whole Foods-eating snobs who think that, because you get buttloads of money from your parents to go to Tulane, you are better than me. (I’ve already tried it twice.) I work two jobs to make ends meet, while you sit at home and smoke weed and paint sh–tty works of art.

I remember having a conversation with one of these hippycrites about global warming. I tried to argue my case, but my opinion was immediately dismissed because I didn’t completely agree with Al Gore’s theory of global warming. Just because Al Gore said something semi-intelligent, that doesn’t mean that he’s 100 percent right.

I attempted to argue that our solar system’s sun is a young star that is constantly growing larger and larger and our ozone layer already has a massive hole in it. It’s only a matter of time before a global meltdown takes place.

Al Gore is not the all-knowing voice of reason. Sure, he makes good points here and there, but seek out other sources of information and do your own research if you want to have a well-rounded argument.

Don’t tell me Mr. Gore knows it all because he doesn’t. None of us do. That’s exactly why we argue and debate, to take a little bit of information from each and every source to form our own opinions.

Look. I know you think it’s cool to wear your hair in dreads, listen to reggae music, smoke pot, not bathe, wear Birkenstocks and hemp-woven sandals, panhandle, etc., but do me a favor. Stop looking down your big noses at me or anyone else that has a pertinent piece of information that may make you stop and say, “Hmm. This guy might actually know something that I haven’t thought of...”

Not all new-age hippies are bad guys. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the guys who developed the heavy psychedelics 2CI and 2CE. That sh–t’s way more intense than acid.

And congratulations to the people at Whole Foods. It’s great to see real hippies sticking it to the hippycrites who spend a fortune on your organic products.

Also, a special thanks to the guys and gals who decided to cultivate Kind Bud instead of schwag. However, I still don’t get why y’all have to come up with these crazy names for your bud. The bud I’ve got right now doesn’t have a name, but I’ll take the Pepsi challenge with any of your hippy, name-brand sh–t any day.

Happy Friday!