In these troubled financial times, it’s good to see people of means doing their part to stimulate the economy and spread the wealth without a mandate from the government. This month’s BACS honorable mention may be a big baseball star in New York, but he hasn’t forgotten about the people on the lower end of the economic totem poll in the heartland of America: strippers in Nebraska.

Only weeks after the Bronx Bombers disappointed their fans by failing to make it to the postseason, Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain escaped from the Big Apple and partied with his homies in downtown Lincoln at a couple of watering holes, including a strip club called the Night Before Lounge. Not long after leaving the nudie bar, Chamberlain was cited for speeding and suspicion of DUI.

According to Nebraska State Patrol spokeswoman Deb Collins, the 23-year-old pitcher was stopped for speeding around 1 a.m. on October 18 after his 2006 BMW 750i was clocked at 71 mph in a 55-mph zone. For a hurler who usually registers in the 90s on a radar gun, 71 mph is merely a dawdling change-up.

After pulling Chamberlain over, a trooper smelled alcohol in the vehicle and spotted an open container on the front passenger seat. The Lincoln native was taken to the Cornhusker Place Detox and released the next day. His blood alcohol level was reportedly 0.134, well above the legal limit of 0.08.

On the night of his arrest, Chamberlain was reportedly contributing to the Lincoln economy by drinking top-shelf Grey Goose® vodka and sodas at a friend’s nightclub, Dillinger’s. After leaving around 10:30, he and his entourage made their way to the aforementioned topless spot.

There, Chamberlain became a veritable strip club philanthropist by tipping $100 on a $45 bar tab. Of course, the girls at the Night Before Lounge are probably used to big spenders making it rain like that. This classy joint filters out horny tightwads from the high-end clientele with a steep $3 cover charge.

Unfortunately, another exclusive club patron couldn’t resist heckling Chamberlain for helping his hometown’s economy instead of helping his team advance in the playoffs. “Too bad you don’t play for the Red Sox,” the customer allegedly said. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be sitting here in a strip club in Nebraska.”

That comment reportedly spurred the 6-foot-3, 235-pound Yankee starter to rise in anger and shout back at the fellow titty ogler. One of Chamberlain’s buddies also shoved the unruly Red Sox fan, but eventually, order was restored. An undeterred Chamberlain remained at the club with his crew and continued to donate to the dancers’ “college tuition funds” for another 90 minutes before leaving and subsequently getting stopped by authorities.

Apparently, Chamberlain hasn’t let stardom go to his head. Instead of hanging out at any one of the hundreds of vixen-laden strip clubs in New York, Chamberlain would rather spend his off-season and his money at the lesser celebrated topless bars in the breadbasket of this great country like an everyday Joe the Pitcher.

One of the regular dancers at the Night Before Lounge, Kat, said she didn’t even know there was a Yankee in her midst at the club that night. She also said she didn’t notice the tiff between Chamberlain and the provocateur. “I don’t pay attention to altercations – unless I start them,” said the refined blonde, who’s been known to dance in a striped prison outfit that she eventually sheds during her routine.

Chamberlain not only directly impacted the strippers financially with his massive tips, but the media coverage of his actions that evening has also given the Beef State’s exotic dancer industry some welcome publicity. Nebraska has always been known for producing beautiful, succulent pieces of meat. Now, thanks to Chamberlain, people all across the country have learned that, in addition to being skewered horizontally over a grill, they can also be suspended vertically on a pole.

In light of Chamberlain’s highly publicized, drunken, interstate commerce, this month’s BACS features folks who came to Louisiana and contributed to our state’s economy by competing for the Judge Don Johnson Trophy. While they were here, many people benefited financially, including bartenders, cocktail waitresses, bouncers, defense attorneys, etc. This is our way of saying, “Thanks for choosing Louisiana to drink and drive.”

Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked for suspicion of driving while intoxicated according to The Advocate reports from September 22 – October 26, 2008.

10. Brent Eugene W., 32, 1st-offense DWI and failure to stop or yield.
We’re a bit disappointed in Brent Eugene, who resides in Kansas City, Missouri. Since he comes from the “Show Me State,” we just expected him to show us a bit more.

9. Sean Alan M., 22, 1st-offense DWI and no turns allowed.
Sean Alan hails from Vicksburg, Mississippi, which sits a few hundred miles upriver from Baton Rouge. His poor showing in this month’s BACS just proves that crap really does flow downhill.

8. David Louis F., 48, 1st-offense DWI, turns not allowed, and failure to maintain control.
David comes from Sammamish, Washington. We’re not sure where Sammamish is, but it must be somewhere in the vicinity of Sammam.

7. Louis Salvador B., 50, 1st-offense DWI, disobeying a red light, and reckless operation of a vehicle.
Why Louis Salvador would leave Huntington Beach, California – better known as Surf City USA® – to come to Baton Rouge is beyond us. Maybe hanging ten isn’t as fun as placing #7 in the BACS.

6. Juan Luis H., 24, 1st-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, driver’s license required, and driving while illegal in the United States.
Juan lives (illegally) in Atlanta, sometimes referred to as Hotlanta. It’s called that partly because of the heat and partly because of the burning caused by STDs. The “Dirty Bird” isn’t just a Falcons end zone dance. It’s also a penis that’s participated in copious amounts of unprotected sex.

5. Danilo A., 30, 1st-offense DWI, hit and run, failure to yield at a left turn, driver’s license not in possession, and reckless operation of a vehicle.
Danilo came all the way from Charlotte, North Carolina, also known as the Queen City. (Funny, we thought that title belonged to San Francisco.) Charlotte was recently chosen as the “Best Place to Live” by relocate-america.com. Meanwhile, Baton Rouge was named “23rd Best Place to get S—tfaced” by kegger-weekly.biz.

4. Abel V., 35, 1st-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, hit and run, operating a vehicle with an unlawful presence in the United States, driver’s license required, improper lane usage, and seat-belt violation.
We’re not sure where Abel is from, because he didn’t give an address to police. Well, maybe he did, but no one there spoke espanol. In any case, we see Abel as a homeless immigrant who came here in search of the American Dream: winning the Judge Don Johnson Trophy.

3. Derek Ray D., 28, 2nd-offense DWI, equipment violation, other laws of the road, and reckless operation of a vehicle.
Derek hails from Fruitdale, Alabama, located in Washington County. Amazingly, Derek is a 2-time veteran of the BACS, yet he resides in a dry county. Maybe that’s why he came to Louisiana.

2. Jonas Cole F., 20, 2nd-offense DWI, driving on the shoulder, reckless operation of a vehicle, license plate required, and driver’s license not in possession.
Houston, we have a problem. One of your residents drank and drove in Baton Rouge but didn’t win the Don Johnson Trophy. And no, it wasn’t that crazy astronaut chick.

1. Kurt David T., 43, 4th-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.
Kurt David takes this month’s Judge Don Johnson Trophy home to Tampa … just as soon as he can post bail. It seems rather appropriate that our BACS winner is a 4-time veteran in his mid-forties from Florida. On a map, the Sunshine State makes the Southeast United States look like it has whiskey dick.