It has been a while since the BACS honorable mention was a local civilian. We’ve had a couple of cops in the last year or so, but not regular, non-law-abiding citizens.

This month, we feature 26-year-old Timothy Tate of Denham Springs, who allegedly led police on a chase along LA Hwy. 16 through three parishes – Tangipahoa, St. Helena, and Livingston – on the night of March 1. Unconfirmed reports claim that, during the pursuit, the aerodynamic wake created by the speeding vehicles blew over four improperly anchored mobile homes.

According to Tangipahoa Sheriff Daniel Edwards, Deputy Nathan Manton was traveling eastbound on Hwy. 16 west of I-55 when he spotted Tate’s Mazda 626 crossing the centerline and then turning around in the middle of the road.

After Deputy Manton pulled him over, Tate exited the vehicle before being told to do so and instructed to step to the rear of the car. It was at this time Manton observed Tate swaying like Kate Moss in a hurricane.

When asked by Manton where he was headed, Tate said he was headed home to Denham Springs. Of course, Tate reportedly said all that with slurred speech and “a strong odor of alcohol on his breath.”

The deputy then advised Tate to stand by his vehicle while Manton ran the license plate number. That’s when Tate got back in his Mazda and drove off, heading toward Denham Springs. At least he gave the deputy a heads-up about where he was going.

Tate ignored the lights and sirens and the pursuit continued into St. Helena Parish, where Tate swerved toward Deputy Manton’s cruiser after he had managed to pull alongside Tate’s Mazda. Incidentally, there is no mention in the report about a kid on the side of the road whispering, “Zoom-zoom.”

Eventually, Manton was able to get in front of Tate’s car, bringing it to a complete stop. Tate, however, then drove around the deputy’s vehicle on the shoulder of the road, and the chase resumed. Damn them new-fangled highways and their fancy-schmancy shoulders!

When a St. Helena deputy approaching eastbound tried to join the fray, Tate reportedly drove in the eastbound lane and nearly hit the unit head-on. (Insert your own juvenile crack about a “unit head-on.”)

After the chase entered Livingston Parish, the Sheriff’s Office there deployed a spike strip to take out Tate’s tires. In Livingston Parish, the term “spike strip” can also refer to a girl getting naked after unknowingly drinking GHB.

Even after Tate hit the spike strip, he managed to continue driving his vehicle another two miles before pulling over and being taken into custody without incident. We were unable to confirm a report that Tate told police upon exiting his vehicle, “That was fun! Let’s do it again!”

Tate was taken to the Livingston Parish Detention Center, where he was booked as a fugitive from Tangipahoa Parish and released to Deputy Manton. Tate was then transported by Manton to Tangipahoa Parish Prison in Amite.

After a sobriety test indicated impairment, Tate was booked on charges of 2nd-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, aggravated flight from an officer, and having expired motor vehicle insurance.

During his booking, Tate spotted a stack of cash with googly eyes staring at him while Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me” played in the background. Police told him that was the money he could have saved by switching to Geico.

Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked for suspicion of driving while intoxicated according to The Advocate reports from February 23 – March 22, 2009.

10. Monique A., 41, 1st-offense DWI, license plate required, and intimidating a public figure.

We’re not sure which public figure Monique intimidated, but our money is on David Vitter. He looks kind of like a wuss who’d be intimidated by a girl, which would explain that whole whore thing.

9. Vega Racquel S., 38, 1st-offense DWI, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, intimidating the public, and battery of a police officer.

Wow! First, Monique. Now Vega Racquel? Man, this BACS has more intimidating women than a stage full of female bodybuilders.

8. Rolando C., 26, 1st-offense DWI, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, no insurance, driver’s license required, possession of alcohol in a vehicle, and driving illegally in Louisiana.

We racked our brains for quite a while trying to figure out how someone could drive illegally in one particular state, especially Louisiana. After extensive research, it turns out that, in his third term as governor, Earl Long lobbied for and signed into law a bill banning anyone named “Rolando” from driving on any of our great state’s roads.

7. Benito T., 27, 2nd-offense DWI and possession of an alcoholic beverage in a vehicle.

Some say Benito can be a real fascist when he drinks.

6. Malic Abdallah S., 35, 2nd-offense DWI, improper lane usage, driver’s license suspended/revoked, possession of marijuana, and resisting an officer.

Assalamu alaikum, dude. Hey, don’t bogart the joint, man. Malic Abdallah might start a jihad, or in this case, a weedhad.

5. Tyler Stuart W., 18, 1st-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, possession of marijuana, possession of Schedule IV drugs, possession of drug paraphernalia, purchase/possession of alcohol by a person under 21, and possession of an alcoholic beverage in a vehicle.

With copious stashes of weed, booze, and other sundry fun-time candy, Tyler Stuart has to be the most popular guy in his high school. Fortunately for his classmates, he should be around for another four or five years.

4. Kelly Philander W., 42, 3rd-offense DWI, seat-belt violation, illegal tint, open-container violation, driver’s license required, and resisting an officer.

Word is, Kelly likes to philander so much, it’s his middle name – literally! In fact, he reportedly enjoys philandering with attractive college-age girls with low self-esteem in the back of his car, thus the illegally tinted windows.

3. Katelyn Brooke C., 22, 3rd-offense DWI, driver’s license suspended/revoked, and no U-turn allowed.

Brooke’s an appropriate middle name for this chick because liquor tends to flow through her like a mountain stream. Incidentally, because she’s a rather loquacious drunk, her friends purportedly call her “Babbling Brooke.”

2. Brandon S., 21, 3rd-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, and possession of marijuana.

Marijuana possession is the BACS equivalent of a holding call. The main difference is, in football, the offender usually has a handful of jersey, whereas in the BACS, the offender typically has a bagful of weed.

1. Thomas S., 48, 4th-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, failure to signal, driver’s license suspended/revoked, and open-container violation.

This month’s winner of the Judge Don Johnson Trophy is known among his circle of friends as Doubting Thomas since most people, including Thomas, doubt his liver will last another five years.