For this month’s BACS honorable mention, we had a couple of notable local candidates to choose from. However, they didn’t hold a candle to our obvious choice, which is fortunate, since the open flame of a candle would have likely caused her alcohol-saturated liver to explode.

We thought about going with Rep. Bobby Badon of Carencro, who was stopped and charged with 1st-offense DWI. Honestly, though, is a South Louisiana legislator getting arrested on suspicion of drunk driving really that newsworthy?

There was also Jacky Brown, a 20-year civil employee with the East Baton Rouge Parish Sheriff’s Office who was involved in an accident while driving a department car. The responding officer smelled alcohol on Brown and noticed he was acting strangely. Brown was fired on the spot after he failed a field sobriety test and refused a Breathalyzer.

Still, that episode is only a tiny drop in the bucket of grain alcohol when compared to the story of Marguerite Engle. She’s the South Dakota woman who registered a possible record blood-alcohol level of 0.708 late last year.

That’s right. Prosecutors said the 45-year-old was nearly nine times over the legal limit of 0.08 when she was arrested on December 1 after police found her passed out behind the wheel of a stolen delivery van along I-90 in Meade County.

To put that in perspective, a person with a blood-alcohol level of 0.30 may become comatose, while 0.40 can prove fatal. Engle nearly doubled that and lived. Let that be a lesson to anyone planning on playing beer pong while visiting Sturgis.

In late December, only three days after being released from jail, Engle was arrested for drunk driving again. That time, she tested at 0.281, which was only about three-and-a-half times the legal limit. Oh well, that just goes to show you that even record-setters have off days.

On January 19, Engle pled guilty to both counts of 1st-offense DUI, for which she faces up to two years in jail when she’s sentenced on February 23. In exchange for her guilty pleas, prosecutors agreed to not pursue any other charges, including receiving stolen property and possession of marijuana.

Perhaps they figured less jail time for Engle would be a good thing. After all, why keep an instantly combustible fire hazard like her in a confined space with other people longer than absolutely necessary?

Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked for suspicion of driving while intoxicated according to The Advocate reports from December 21, 2009 – January 24, 2010.

10. Joshua A., 23, 1st-offense DWI, driving the wrong way on a one-way street, driver’s license suspended or revoked, and obscured view outward or inward through windshield or window.
Joshua not only likes to play chicken with oncoming vehicles, he also enjoys a friendly game of peek-a-boo.

9. Melvin M., 34, 1st-offense DWI, driver’s license required, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, operating a vehicle without lawful presence, and failure to yield to an emergency vehicle.
Melvin’s not used to sirens. Where he’s from, ambulances are equipped with a guy yelling, “Hey, Vato! Get out of the way, man!”

8. Daniel Christopher N., 22, 1st-offense DWI, battery of a police officer, resisting an officer, and simple criminal damage to property.
Daniel Christopher wants to be in the next cast of Jersey Shore. Possible nicknames include “DC Punch” and “Knuckles.” His cast mates better hope he never connects with one of those wicked fist pumps.

7. Marcus P., 23, 2nd-offense DWI, speeding, reckless operation of a vehicle, possession of Schedule II drugs, and possession of drug paraphernalia.
Marcus was extremely depressed after watching Avatar and resuming his boring, mundane life. He figured a few little blue pills could transform him into a sexy, blue Na’Vi. He’s given new meaning to the phrase “riding the dragon.”

6. Andrea M., 39, 3rd-offense DWI, failure to signal/improper turn, improper lane usage, and headlights required.
Just like Linda Lovelace, Andrea’s G-spot is in the back of her throat, and the only way to stimulate it is with a really stiff drink. Oh yeah. We’ll have what she’s having.

5. Crystal S., 28, 3rd-offense DWI and disobeying a red light.
Crystal is also reportedly auditioning to be a member of the next Jersey Shore cast. Her nickname could be “C-Cup,” cuz, you know, she likes to drink a lot.

4. Charles G., 25, 3rd-offense DWI, driver’s license suspended or revoked, and disobeying a red light.
Charles didn’t stop at the red light because he was distracted while reading Tila Tequila’s latest mournful tweet about her dead girlfriend. Charles follows Tila on Twitter because she’s a quasi-lesbian Asian. Plus her last name is Tequila.

3. Gary M., 30, 1st-offense DWI, fugitive from justice, seatbelt violation, two counts of driving with a suspended/revoked license, failure to register vehicle, simple battery, theft of goods, and disobeying a red light.
An encounter with an inebriated Gary is about as scary as Nancy Grace equipped with a 12-inch strap-on.

2. Mitchell K., 46, 4th-offense DWI and improper lane usage.
Word on the street is that General Larry Platt was inspired to write his instant classic “Pants on the Ground” when he saw Mitchell walking out of a bar after an all-nighter.

1. Warren S., 45, 4th-offense DWI, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, and simple criminal damage to property.
When Warren drinks, his friends say he gets almost as retarded as NBC executive Jeff Zucker.