We thought about featuring a local man as this month’s honorable mention, because it’s not every day that we see someone in the metro Baton Rouge area get slapped with 6th-offense DWI and possession charges like John C. Massey of Gonzales did last month. However, unlike our honorable mention, Massey’s arrest didn’t lead to national news reports of him finally coming out of the closet.

In the wee hours of a Wednesday morning early last month, California State Senator Roy Ashburn (R-Bakersfield) was pulled over in a state-issued vehicle and arrested for drunk driving after reportedly leaving a gay nightclub. Sources say an unidentified man was in the passenger seat.

By itself, this incident wouldn’t be a big deal. A state senator driving drunk is wrong, but it’s not worth national attention. And there’s nothing wrong an elected official leaving a gay bar called FACES with another man except for one thing: Ashburn is one of the staunchest anti-gay lawmakers in the Golden State.

In the legislature, Ashburn has repeatedly voted against gay rights measures, like anti-discrimination laws’ inclusion of sexual orientation and legal recognition of gay marriages performed in other states. He also voted against a day honoring gay rights activist Harvey Milk. Additionally, in 2005, he held a rally in favor of “traditional marriage.”

After a few days of speculation about his sexual orientation, the 55-year-old divorced father of four outed himself on the same radio station where he used to host a talk show. “I’m gay,” Ashburn admitted to host Inga Barks. “Those are the words that have been so difficult for me for so long.”

Ashburn defended his 15-year crusade against proposed gay rights laws in the California Statehouse, insisting his record reflected the conservative views of the majority of his constituents. He said his votes “reflect the wishes of the people in my district.”

Of all the gay bars in California, it’s fitting that Ashburn would choose to party at one called FACES. It seems he has more than one.

Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked for suspicion of driving while intoxicated according to The Advocate reports from February 22 – March 21, 2010.

10. Samuel R., 51, 1st-offense DWI, driving too slowly, and ignition interlock device off.
Samuel disarmed the device that keeps his car from starting if his breath-alcohol level is too high? The dude’s like a drunk MacGyver. He could disarm a nuclear bomb with some swizzle sticks and a cocktail napkin, but only after a couple of martinis.

9. Marcia F., 45, 2nd-offense DWI.
Sounds like an episode of The Brady Bunch: “Marcia Gets Creamed.” Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

8. Rebecca A., 21, 1st-offense DWI, possession of marijuana, speeding, and possession of Schedule IV drugs.
Oh, come on, officer. Give Rebecca a break. She was just really depressed to learn that MTV was canceling The Hills.

7. Chantel M., 1st-offense DWI, possession of Schedule IV drugs, speeding, reckless operation of a vehicle, possession of marijuana, and possession of drug paraphernalia.
Chantel must have been so fried during her arrest, she forgot her age. Either that or her arresting officer had such a contact high he forgot to record it.

6. Kendrick S., 30, 1st-offense DWI, simple obstruction of a public highway, possession of Schedule II drugs, simple battery, aggravated criminal damage to property, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, and simple criminal damage to property.
Kendrick’s arrest record has so many charges, it has more ink than Sandra Bullock’s husband’s whores.

5. Robert R., 42, 2nd-offense DWI, possession of alcoholic beverage in a vehicle, driver’s license not on person, possession of Schedule IV drugs, and view outward or inward through windshield or window obscured.
Obscured windshield or window? Looks like Robert’s judgment wasn’t the only thing that was clouded.

4. James J., 35, 3rd-offense DWI, refusing a chemical test, and view outward or inward through windshield or window obscured.
What’s with the sudden rash of obscured windshields and windows? When did cars start getting cataracts?

3. Sharon G., 53, 2nd-offense DWI, possession with intent to distribute or manufacture Schedule IV drugs, improper lane usage, expired driver’s license, contraband in a penal institution, operating a vehicle while under suspension, and equipment violation.
Sure, Sharon was planning on distributing drugs, but only to people at her Lost viewing party. It’s the only way they can adequately achieve the level of suspension of disbelief required to enjoy the show. Otherwise, the whole concept of a “smoke monster” gets in the way.

2. Anthony B., 36, 4th-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, failure to signal or improper turn, and license plate required.
What’s the difference between the NFL and Anthony? One has a draft of seven rounds. The other has seven rounds of draft.

1. Lunden M., 22, 4th-offense DWI, simple criminal damage to property, and resisting an officer.
What’s the difference between London in 1940 and Lunden today? London got blitzed for only 57 consecutive nights.