You gotta love those Brits. If they’re not destroying our coastline and our very way of life, they’re getting blasted.

Of course, the same could be said of the folks from South Louisiana, especially given how BP has responded to the gulf oil disaster. We all need a drink or two.

Only days after 20-year-old Laura Hall, whose nickname is Booze Asbos, became the first woman to be banned from buying or drinking alcohol anywhere in England and Wales, Paul Hutton lost his license after police pulled him over for driving a tricked-out electric Barbie car while intoxicated.

The 40-year-old, divorced father of four is apparently still a kid at heart. He was stopped near his home in Essex while driving the toy vehicle designed for 3- to 5-year-olds.

Speaking after his April hearing at Colchester magistrates court, Hutton admitted to being a “complete twit.”

“You have to be a contortionist to get in, and then you can’t get out,” he said of the vehicle. “Originally, it was a pink Barbie car, but I put bigger wheels on it, but it’s not fast.”

No, it’s not fast. It has a top speed of 4 mph, slower than a mobility scooter. A pedestrian — even a drunk one — can walk faster than that, all without having to contort oneself to fit into a seat designed for a preschooler.

Nevertheless, getting somewhere quickly wasn’t Hutton’s aim. The former RAF aeronautical engineer explained: “I’m in the third year of my electrical engineering course, and it was a little project I was doing with my son who is doing a car mechanics course. When it was done, I couldn’t resist the temptation to take it out.”

Authorities found his blood-alcohol level was twice the legal limit. Furthermore, Sutton admitted to the magistrates that he drove the toy car while drunk.

Sutton was given a mandatory three-year driving ban because he had received another drunken-driving-related driving ban in the past ten years.

The car was initially confiscated by police, but Hutton was hoping to get it back after the hearing. There’s no word on if Mattel makes a breath-alcohol ignition interlock device accessory.

Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked for suspicion of driving while intoxicated according to The Advocate reports from April 26 — May 23, 2010.

By the way, can you find all the terms related to the BP oil disaster we’ve gratuitously employed? Hopefully, you’ll have more success than BP has had in plugging the well.

10. Ashley A., 24, 2nd-offense DWI, driver’s license suspended or revoked, failure to signal or improper turns, and operating a vehicle while under suspension for prior offense.
One time, Ashley got so wasted, she let her boyfriend do things to her with his riser insertion tube tool she’d never consent to while sober. Sadly, she ended up blowing drilling mud all over him.

9. Kevin M., 27, 1st-offense DWI, resisting an officer, unauthorized entry of an inhabited dwelling, possession of alcoholic beverages in a vehicle, obscenity, possession of marijuana, and possession of drug paraphernalia.
Kevin has huge tar balls.

8. Brittany J., 22, 2nd-offense DWI, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, driver’s license not on person, motor vehicle insurance required/expired, and obstruction of justice.
Brittany is really popular with the guys because rumor has it she gives spewing wellhead.

7. Travis D., 30, 3rd-offense DWI and improper lane usage.
After last call, Travis and his buddies are usually quite polluted and reluctant to leave. When they finally do depart, they’re toxic dispersants.

6. Shannon B., 31, 3rd-offense DWI and hit and run.
Don’t mess with Shannon, guys. After reportedly getting pinched on the rear by a dude at the bar, she delivered a hell of a junk shot, which, unlike BP’s, worked immediately.

5. Jeremiah W., 29, 3rd-offense DWI, speeding, operation of a vehicle while under suspension for prior offense, and driver’s license suspended/revoked.
Friends say Jeremiah is still in the closet but tries to compensate by acting like a macho ruffian. That’s why they call him “Sweet Crude.”

4. Martin V., 24, 3rd-offense DWI and equipment violation.
When Martin drinks, his blowout preventer usually fails. This causes him to lower the boom.

3. Eddie G., 48, 4th-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, and failure to maintain control of a vehicle.
From his many years of drinking, Eddie knows the best way to overcome a hot tap is with a frosty mug.

2. Martinez P., 39, 4th-offense DWI, following too close, insurance required, driver’s license suspended/revoked, and reckless operation of a vehicle.
Martinez once drank so much, the bartender ran out of well brands, prompting the barback to bring in a relief well.

1. Blaine A., 27, 4th-offense DWI and improper lane usage.
The Deepwater Horizon riser pipe is 21 inches. Unless he’s got a damn good defense attorney, that’s about the same size riser pipe Blaine’s likely to encounter in jail.