In the illustrious history of the BACS, Red Shtick Magazine has only featured drivers who drank before getting behind the wheel and/or while driving. This month, though, our honorable mention entry imbibed both before and after crashing his vehicle. In fact, he was still drinking when police showed up.

On June 1, Paul Nigel Sneddon of New Zealand was reportedly driving his Ford Laser when he failed to take a corner, ran through a wooden barrier, and overturned his compact car. Therein he was trapped.

When police eventually arrived on the scene, they found the 47-year-old drinking from a can of beer. Sneddon said he had “nothing better to do” while waiting for them to free him.

Three weeks later, the Palmerston North resident pled guilty to careless driving and having a breath-alcohol level of 1,191 mcg, nearly three times the legal limit of 400 mcg. For his offense, Judge Gregory Ross fined Sneddon $1,100 in Kiwi bucks ($776 U.S.) and disqualified him from driving for 10 months, meaning millions of sheep have one less drunk driver on the road to worry about.

Sneddon is evidently an honest drunk. Instead of trying to help his own case by telling authorities he only consumed alcohol after the crash while trapped in his car to ease his claustrophobia, he reportedly told officers, “I’ve been drinking for four days straight.”

After his hearing, Sneddon told reporters, “I went for a drive to the supermarket and it was absolutely pouring down. It all happened so quick. Maybe I was speeding, maybe I blacked out for a second — I don’t really know.”

The recently unemployed baker (the loss of his bakery job incited the multiday drinking binge) then explained the rationale behind his post-crash beer. “I was lying there, trying to get the doors open, but couldn’t. I remember the inside light not working and thinking, ‘It’s not like I’m going to read a book,’ so I opened another can.” Also, it’s not like he was able to see straight to read a book even if the light had been functional.

Sadly for Sneddon, the court didn’t give him a break for being truthful under the influence. “As far as the post-accident drinking is concerned, that is something you cannot be given credit for,” said Judge Ross. “Otherwise, everyone would drink after an accident and use that as an excuse to get away with it.”

We may have just stumbled upon the next fad in drunk-driving litigation: the post-crash binge defense. “Yes, officer, I’ve been drinking, but only for the last five minutes since the accident to calm my nerves.” It just seems too tempting for desperate American drunk drivers and their attorneys to not try it.

Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked for suspicion of driving while intoxicated according to The Advocate reports from May 24 — June 20, 2010.

10. Marc A., 23, 2nd-offense DWI, driver’s license not in possession, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, following too closely, insurance required, texting while driving, and possession of a hypodermic needle.
dewd im sooo wastd lolz! o sht copsss! gotta rathole da hypo - abt 2 go 2 jail :/ brng bale $$$ plzzz!

9. Christy P., 37, 2nd-offense DWI, driver’s license suspended/revoked, possession/distribution/manufacturing of Schedule II drugs, and required tail lamps.
One day, Christy wants to be just like Danielle Staub from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. She’s already got the drug possession charges and inability to make smart decisions. We smell a sex tape!

8. Jennifer J., 35, 3rd-offense DWI, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, equipment violation, and driver’s license expired.
Jennifer got swept up by World Cup fever and lost control after trying to drive without using her hands.

7. Chivas S., 31, 3rd-offense DWI and possession of alcoholic beverage in a vehicle.
Chivas is quite regal.

6. Opal W., 29, 3rd-offense DWI and hit and run.
A female, 29-year-old, three-time veteran of the BACS? Opal is definitely a jewel.

5. Craig S., 25, 3rd-offense DWI, driver’s license suspended/revoked, registration on motor vehicle violation, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, motor vehicle inspection expired/required, and driving left of center.
Craig went on a binge after getting all worked up over the prospect of Erin Andrews not renewing her contract with ESPN. He was worried he’d have to resort to drilling holes in hotel room walls to get his fix.

4. Teresa W., 48, 4th-offense DWI and failure to maintain control of a vehicle.
Poor Teresa. She was just trying to drown her sorrows after Joran van der Sloot didn’t write her back.

3. Jeremy J., 28, 4th-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, and texting while driving.
RT @drunkjer: fk da popo! im drnk azz sht an dont givah fk! #copssuckass

2. Bryan V., 25, 4th-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, improper backing, and possession of Schedule III drugs.
Fortunately, while he was intoxicated, Brian didn’t get hit by a train. He only felt like he had been the next morning.

1. Robert R., 53, 5th-offense DWI, license plate required, possession of alcoholic beverage in a vehicle, simple obstruction of a public highway, and driver’s license suspended/revoked.
Unlike Al Gore, Robert gets to enjoy a happy ending! Hopefully, his cellmate isn’t a “crazed sex poodle.”