Vanilla has such a bad rap for being boring. The very word is synonymous with blandness.

This month’s Blood Alcohol Championship Series honorable mention entry, however, had quite a flavorful drunk-driving arrest with the help of a couple of partially consumed bottles of vanilla extract.

Not everybody knows that vanilla extract contains 35% alcohol by volume. However, 48-year-old Kelly Moss, of Germantown, TN, apparently knows it’ll get you intoxicated seven times faster than most beers, but without giving you the telltale breath of a drunk.

Most people use vanilla extract for baking purposes. And that’s exactly what Moss did with it: She got baked.

According to the Shelby County Sheriff’s Office, deputies responded early last month to a report of a woman who appeared suspiciously slumped over the steering wheel of a parked car in front of Arlington Middle School. Moss was reportedly in the driver’s seat, parked with two of her car’s wheels on the school’s driveway and two on the sidewalk. So not only was she half-cocked, she was half-parked.

One officer noticed two nearly empty 8-oz bottles of vanilla extract and a partially empty bottle of Diet Coke in Moss’ car, along with a receipt for the two bottles of the makeshift intoxicant. Officers also discovered Moss had a strong odor of vanilla on her breath, was unable to stand or walk without assistance, and had slurred and fragmented speech.

After refusing to comply with both a field sobriety test and a blood-alcohol test, Moss was arrested and charged with driving under the influence of intoxicants and refusing to submit to a blood-alcohol test. This marked her third DUI-related arrest.

She was eventually released on $4,000 bail and ordered to appear in court on August 19 to face the charges, along with a fine.

Some folks may look down on Moss for getting blitzed in such a prohibition-era manner. And yeah, she should have waited til she got home before getting totally wasted and basted, but you damn well know that Betty Crocker has snuck more than a few swigs of the stuff when no one was looking.

It’s just a shame Coca-Cola quit bottling Diet Coke Vanilla in the U.S. in 2006. Otherwise, this ugly incident might have been prevented.

Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked for suspicion of driving while intoxicated according to The Advocate reports from June 21 — July 25, 2010.

10. Chase M., 20, 1st-offense DWI, driver’s license expired, maximum speed limit, and speeding.
It figures a kid named Chase would go too fast.

9. John C., 41, 1st-offense DWI, possession of marijuana, possession of alcoholic beverage in a vehicle, speeding, and maximum speed limit.
Obviously, John didn’t partake of the ganja in his possession. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been speeding.

8. Jimmy M., 25, 2nd-offense DWI.
Jimmy loves beer almost as much as he loves The Simpsons. That’s why it’s so fitting that this Walker resident lives on Duff Road.

7. Heather R., 32, 2nd-offense DWI, resisting an officer, speeding, and license plate required.
It’s not surprising Heather was charged with resisting an officer. All the guys say she likes to play hard to get.

6. Danielle R., 24, 2nd-offense DWI, license plate required, improper left/right turns, improper lane usage, and failure to signal/improper turns.
Left turns? Right turns? Danielle was so lit, even the cops didn’t know if she was coming or going.

5. Chase E., 25, 1st-offense DWI, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, possession/distribution/manufacturing of Schedule IV drugs, possession of Schedule II drugs, contraband in a penal institution, and driver’s license not on person.
Instead of high-speed chases, this Chase likes chasing the dragon.

4. Michael Y., 47, 2nd-offense DWI, improper lane usage, no proof of insurance, and failure to register vehicle.
Michael definitely didn’t take it easy this summer. Only nine days before this arrest for 2nd-offense DWI, he was arrested and charged with 1st-offense DWI, along with failure to maintain control of a vehicle, possession of alcoholic beverage in a vehicle, and motor vehicle inspection required or expired. In that nine-day period, he also managed to move to a different Baker address. Worky-work, busy bee!

3. Don R., 22, 3rd-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, and driver’s license required.
Don apparently has the drunk-driving part down pat. Now all he has to do is stab his girlfriend and he’ll qualify to serve as David Vitter’s legislative assistant.

2. Lynne T., 50, 4th-offense DWI, failure to signal/improper turn, insurance required, driver’s license suspended/revoked, possession of alcoholic beverage in a vehicle, and improper lane usage.
Softball superstar Jennie Finch may have retired from professional athletics at the tender age of 29, but despite being old enough to be her mother, Lynne’s still getting it done. Too bad she’s too wasted to remember doing it.

1. Shawn S., 34, 6th-offense DWI, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, possession of alcoholic beverage in a vehicle, and driving with suspended license.
Shawn ran away from the rest of the field this month. He may not have run a very straight line, and he might have stumbled quite a few times. Nevertheless, he won the Judge Don Johnson Trophy going away.