Four hours, 21 minutes: That was the time it took to play Game 1 of the College World Series Championship Series. In that time, you could:

1. •Read Deuteronomy.
   

2. •Iron cowboy hat decals onto all of your roommate’s clothing.
   

3. •Have been conceived 40.2 times…
   

So, then … who watches LSU baseball? And for how long?

Now, I’m not complaining – college baseball is the finest in American drama. Case in point: Game 1. The Tigers were down 6-4 in the seventh inning. The bats had been too aggressive, and Louis Coleman could’ve been replaced by Gary Coleman and probably given up fewer home runs. The Tigers stayed down into the ninth, but DJ LeMahieu hit the game-tying double. (Mikie Mahtook brought in the Tigers’ winning run in the 11th.)

I know you love this, but how much of the game did you actually see and/or hear? (I know you were getting ice cream during the footage of outfielders with cramps!)

To find answers, I asked fans at a local tavern on Friday, June 19. I said: “Do you follow from the first inning?” And people said no. They were into LSU (even though they were patronizing an establishment named for an SEC rival from Athens), but not so much baseball.

This was during LSU’s blowout win over Arkansas with a final score of 14-5. The place was packed, but at the game’s end, you could not tell it had ever happened from the way the place cleared out.

Finally, one of the employees approached me. He had something to say!

“Hey, uh,” he said, “I’m gonna need you to move your chair out of the walkway…”

OK, I thought, we’re done here…

I drove home unsatisfied. I hadn’t found more than the bandwagon and a reprimand, but as I exited my car, I smelled seafood. Across the street, they were boiling crabs.

Hmm, I thought, do they also have beer?

Focus, De Carlo!

I pulled it together. The crabs meant they’d been gathered for the game. So, what could my neighbors tell me about being fans of LSU baseball?

Chris was sitting back, looking mellowed out on beer and victory. “I used to play baseball, and I really just watch it for everything,” he said.

Kate, across the room, piped up. “I watch it for the cute guys.” Amen to that, Kate!

But what was up with the crowd down the street? I had to take my questions just one stop further.

Thwack, jingle! I heard washers hitting lumber, and I knew to walk around back.

“Hey,” I said, “did you guys watch the whole game? And … why?”

“Let me put it this way,” said a guy in a purple LSU shirt. “We shotgun a beer every time we have a home run.”

I have found them, I thought! Another guy in an LSU shirt told me: “We know the equipment manager. His name’s Ryan Latuso, and he’s the best equipment manager in the SEC!”

This second guy’s name was Brian, and the first guy’s name was Andrew. With Brian and Andrew were Matt, David, Jessie, Robby, Mike, Bob O., and Joey, the host.

“So, the best equipment manager in the SEC,” I said.

Matt followed up. “He forgot to bring the bats and he had to overnight them,” said Matt. “And he swears that OxiClean doesn’t work on jock straps.”

“We tried to make a statue of him out of dirt,” said Andrew, “but somebody peed on it.” (Art is rough.)

“None of us have real jobs,” said Andrew. “We started drinking at 12:30, thinking the game would be at 1.” (The game had been rain-delayed for most of the afternoon.)

“Eh,” said Joey, “it gave us time to cook the pork. Like, pork ’cause we were playing Arkansas.”

Made sense to me, but I was glad LSU wasn’t playing Georgia.

What made even more sense, though, was why these guys stayed with the game. While you were DVR-ing Game 3, Chad Jones was relieving Anthony Ranaudo. The strong safety struck out Belt and then Moldenhauer, which is German for “unwashed clock.” During Moldenhauer’s at-bat, Jones pulled out a curve ball no one knew he had and followed it up with a 92-mile-an-hour fastball.

Later, it was 9-4 LSU in the eighth when Schimpf hit a sacrifice fly into center. LeMahieu didn’t have to beat the out, but he did it just to add a run.

And best of all, Louis Coleman came back in and struck out the side for the W! The Tigers beat the Longhorns with a final score of 11-4!

You know, Joey’s house didn’t miss a single play. (They drink if the TV shows Latuso…)

So remember, the real fans are at Joey’s house. It’s where cops go for a noise complaint, and then stay for the closer…