For those of you who don’t know me, I am in school. I love to write, but I have a chemistry degree. So I went to LSU and became a mass communication graduate student.

This move didn’t pay well. But where there are universities, there are student jobs. Most of these involve faculty’s dry cleaning or tasting the chancellor’s food.

Lucky for me, my jobs involve sports. And school isn’t so bad when sports become a way of life. Observe:

Job 1 is at LSU, videotaping “media training.” This is where student athletes are told not to tweet about things like how going to LSU was the biggest mistake they ever made. It’s also where they get used to the camera.

One of my favorite groups to train was LSU Softball. For the softball team, I videotaped media training and also a Christmas event in which the team bought Christmas presents for an underprivileged youth in the Baton Rouge area.

It’s true that the team is badass. Last March, they beat No. 2 Alabama, sweeping an important doubleheader. But in addition to being badass, they are awesome, as in, your friend spits gum in a jerky bike-cop’s helmet and you say, “That was awesome!”

Here’s what happened while I was working with the team:

Part 1: Planning Meeting at 7:45 a.m.

Softball Team: So where’s the video camera person?

Me: (at home asleep) Zzzzzzz …

It was later brought to my attention that “a.m.” means “morning,” a time when people “get up and do things.” Good to know. Moving on …

Part 2: LSU Softball Media Training

I set up the camera and tripod in the squad room, and the media seminar began. Everything was going as usual when …

FWAM!

A pterodactyl-sized bird hit the glass-windowed wall of the squad room, bounced off, and lay flightless on the deck outside. The girls piled up by the blinds.

“Right there!” shouted sophomore infielder Heidi Pizer as she looked out at the carcass. “Did you get that?” she asked the dumbfounded idiot behind the camera (me).

CRASH!

The window blinds came down on junior third baseman/catcher Jessica Mouse’s head!

“I’m bleeding,” she said, and she excused herself while clutching her forehead.

Thus, we had the first-ever media-training injury. Don’t tell anyone.

Part 3: Ross Department Store

The softball team gathered near the front doors of Ross Department Store. I cued up the camera to follow them around.

The store was full of gifts for everyone, but my favorite was a wine opener/breathalyzer keychain pair. Sweet.

“OK, we know that she’s a six-seven in kids’ clothes,” said junior outfielder/second baseman Ashley Applegate. She was talking about the kid they were shopping for as part of a holiday event.

Questions came from the rest of the team. “Do we know her age? What she likes? Her year in school?” They had been given a clothing size, and that was it.

“I don’t think she’s older than, like … 26,” said sophomore outfielder Katie Guillory.

“We have to be careful,” said Heidi Pizer from a wall of educational toys. “We are shaping her life!”

The girls put together an assortment of great kids’ clothes and toys, however. They could also compete as a shopping team.

And perhaps the most important lesson of the day goes to junior infielder Cassie Trosclair, who found a Blackberry charger for $5. Another score for the LSU softball team …

Bowl Games and the New Year

I told you I had another job in sports. On weekends, I wait tables in a bar.

No, really, it works out, because I get tips when I talk about football. Think about it. Businessmen come in after a long day, and maybe their wives aren’t as impressed by Dwight Dasher’s ability to trample defenses as the husbands are.

In December, a guy in a Longhorns cap put 20 bucks on Colt McCoy to win the Heisman, a bet I took and won. Trust me, it helps to know sports in my job …

This is the first New Year’s I’ve worked at this particular bar, so I was excited to learn there was a pool for bowl picks. It’s a big bar with a lot of employees – waitresses, bartenders, managers, and bouncers – so I figured the pool would get pretty big.

Then I learned I was the only girl playing … WTF? Nonetheless, I turned in my 10 bucks and 34 picks.

Note some of the more catchy bowl names this year, such as “The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl.” I’m thinking that one is gonna be big, the way it just rolls off the tongue. We can only hope that next year the “Central Florida Regional Transportation Board of Directors” sponsors a bowl – especially if they add “With Employees Under Section 112 of the Code.”

Anyway, the out-of-control sponsorships have made me come up with some of my own sponsor-bowl names, like the Greyhound Dog Bowl. That one’ll get Purina ads … and a halftime show by Snoop. I also came up with the Lysol Toilet Bowl, to be played by the team with the worst record in a non-BCS conference and also Notre Dame (this can be an all-Notre Dame scrimmage on the years that the two are one and the same …)

OK, OK. Here in 2010, I wish you:

1. •won your bowl pools like I did.
   

2. •luck with your brackets. (Yeah, it’s time to pay attention to basketball if you missed it starting in November.)
   

3. •a dream job in sports (whether it’s all in your head or not …).