In this edition of “Ask BPC,” we tackle your toughest bracket questions. March Madness is coming – don’t be left in the sanity!

Q: So, what is the “Horizon League,” anyway? Is that like the Pure Prairie League?

A: Sadly, no. The Horizon League has never recorded a Southern rock classic such as “Amie.” Instead, the Horizon League is a Division I athletic conference that houses badass spoilers such as Butler and Cleveland State. The Horizon League is a midmajor, because its teams will have to beat (or be) Butler in the conference championship to get an automatic berth to the tournament. (Also, the Horizon League is not a wireless provider.)

Q: I’ve been watching Olympic figure skating.

A: Douche!

Q: I know, I know. Can you tell me what to watch for in my brackets?

A: Well, it IS a couple weeks before selection, but yes! Ahem, KANSAS.

Q: Ooh, I love Kansas!

A: Not the band; the KU Jayhawks! Xavier Henry and Sherron Collins, the two high-scoring guards who led the Jayhawks to a 13-0 conference, 27-1 overall start. The weird thing? Their first loss was to the Tennessee Volunteers, who are a lock from the Southeastern Conference, but that’s like the Big 12’s accountants. Oh well, the Jayhawks are hot now…

KENTUCKY

If the SEC is like the Big 12’s accountants, then the Wildcats are the ones with the tricks. After all, is there anything more fun than freshman guard John Wall setting up plays for an average of 6.3 assists per game? He even has his own dance, a bicep-flexin’ bob move adapted from a Kentucky rapper, but WAY COOLER when Wall does it. You should do it, too.

DUKE

It’s Coach K. It’s John Scheyer. It’s Kyle Singler, who now looks about 14. He only looked 12 in Adam Yauch’s documentary film Gunnin’ for That Number One Spot. Point is, how can Duke lose with that funk/hip-hop soundtrack (especially when the rest of the Atlantic Coast Conference is stumbling on steep RPIs…)?

Q: Quit stalling. Who’s going to win this thing?

A: Two weeks to selection!? Fine, I’m going to step up and say SYRACUSE, thanks to Jim Boeheim’s players who have mastered the 2-3 zone!

Q: Shut up; you don’t even know what that is…

A: I do, too! It’s … um … a defensive strategy in which players surround the paint and allow only the passes and shots they can intercept! In order to play the zone, players must be tall, fast, and play ACTIVELY as a team to turn defense into ball control and offense. This Syracuse team can DO that! It starts when they create a two-on-one at the post…

Q: High or low?

A: Um, high?

Q: Lucky guess.

A: I thought you said you’d been watching figure skating!

Q: I thought that’s what that was! What can you tell me about our bubble teams? Gimme something from a midmajor conference that will make me sound like Joe Lunardi.

A: Well, you know I love Butler. They’ll be getting a lower seed this year, due to their hard-earned top-15 RPI, 17-game win streak, and #1 seed in the Horizon League conference tournament. Butler will NOT likely be upset by a #12 or #11 seed in the first round. They’ve got a healthy Gordon Hayward and a team that can defend the classic pick and roll (all variations)! Meanwhile, the Conference USA title will most likely go to UTEP…

Q: UTEP! Didn’t I see them at Ozzfest in St. Louis in 2002?!

A: No, that was the heavy metal band Otep, which has a slightly better RPI. Anyway, bracketbuster weekend has all but rejected the Wichita State Shockers…

Q: Whoa, I see what you did there … ha ha ha!

A: I know, right? Ha ha ha!

Q: Hmm, I can’t find UNC on any of the bracket projections.

A: No. No, you can’t.

Q: So, what’s the RPI of, say, RPI?

A: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute? Really low for the Polymer Olympics squad!

Q: Wow, that was helpful. I feel better about those brackets now!