I’ve got to find a job, and the NFL’s looking good.

No, I haven’t graduated yet. I’m working on my thesis and still working in a bar to pay the bills. But I’ve gotten to the point where it’s time to look.

Even Charles Scott (RB, LSU) was hyper in the weeks before the draft. One night, he plowed into me by accident! I’m no defensive tackle, but his collarbone seemed solid.

Anyway, when I finally spoke to him a week later, I said, “My name’s Cara, and you plowed into me last week!”

Scott smiled and shook my hand. “I’m sorry. Haha.”

He still seemed a little nervous at that time, but what would you expect in the second week of April?

Anyway, I’m thrilled for all my Tigers! Starting with Scott (and DT Charles Alexander) — the people of Philadelphia do not know how awesome their team is about to get.

Ciron Black (G): I hope you do play for my hometown of Pittsburgh, but only if they give you a QB worth protecting…

Consider also Brandon LaFell (WR), Chad Jones (S), Perry Riley (LB), Al Woods (DT), Trindon Holliday (RB) and all the free agent deals — at 15 new NFLers, this draft time is LSU’s reverse Christmas. Congratulations, Tigers!

A note about Woods: The New Orleans Saints made only two defensive draft picks. The popular questions are: Why not a linebacker? And forget the draft; why dangle Darren Sharper out there? I can’t answer those questions.

But I know that, when your team drafts Patrick Robinson (CB, FSU), you should shut up and be happy. A smart corner will be there to grab any pass in a league where the West Coast has stretched nationwide.

As for Woods, he is 6’4”, 309 pounds of stopping power. Put him in the middle, and he will only find more speed in the NFL.

I’m going to make a guess that the drafted Tigers’ job-finding experiences have been a little different than my own. So I got an agent: the Job Search Agent on Monster.com.

When I enter a search on Monster to find job openings, the first thing I see is: “LIKE TO MELT THINGS? WORK AT TACO BELL!” So my agent is aiming high.

Another awesome thing about Monster is the number of financial or marketing firms that are looking for an employee who is “sports minded.” What the hell does that mean?

How would you respond in an interview? “I don’t know anything about business, but my fantasy team can stuff the run in short yardage!” Who writes these job posts?

School is supposed to help land me a job, so I’m doing my thesis on something I love: sports websites. This research consists of surveys I’m giving to all kinds of helpers, but where there are helpers, there are questions.

Getting helpers is kind of like throwing a party. A half hour before any party begins, you’ll be combing your hair and vacuuming. But THAT’s when you’ll get nine phone calls from people saying things like:

1. •“Should I bring my projection TV? Setup only takes 43 minutes and an eyeglass kit…”
   

2. •“SO I’M ON HIGHLAANNDD? TELL ME WHICH WAYS TO GO FROM HERE…”
   

3. •“I’m coming early to make baba ghanoush! Can you lift a bushel of eggplants?”
   

What the “party” implies, for school projects and jobs, is leadership. Anytime you become the leader of anything, the people around you can’t think for themselves.

Do NFL players have this problem? I bet they don’t.

There’s only one way to find out, and that is to get a job as one. Now, I didn’t play college ball (intramural deck hockey doesn’t count) or go to the Combine, so I’ve decided to just commit tax fraud to see if I end up on an NFL payroll.

The first thing to do is go online and get the professional athletes’ tax form. This is much like a regular one except the print and spaces are way bigger.

Now you need to make it convincing. Give yourself a flashy nickname like “Dez.” Mine will be “Crash,” but only when spelled with a “$.”

Pick a state of residence that is not your own. I think NFL players usually live in Georgia.

As you fill out the form, leave the dependents section blank. Those get heavily populated AFTER you are established in the league.

I’m thinking this plan is failproof. We’re less than a year from the 2011 lockout, so the league will be happy to have noncomplaining players like me.