This month, I really wanted to use this forum to talk about not only the presidential race, but also the mayoral and Metro Council races. However, Hurricane Gustav is barreling toward the coast at a rapid clip, so I’ll give you the CliffsNotes version of the local stuff.

Thanks to term limits, we’ll have lots of new faces on the Metro Council. Kip will win reelection. Whoever did that juvenile mailer attacking Holden wouldn’t qualify to be the graphic designer of a homeowner association newsletter.

So there you go. Now, on to the presidential race.

We now know who the running mates are for both major parties. Barack Obama picked Senator Joe Biden, while John McCain picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

People on both sides are excited about their candidate’s respective choice, which always befuddles me. I can’t understand how people can “get excited” about a vice presidential candidate. I guess those same people get excited when the waitress tells them the soup of the day. Sure, the shrimp-and-crab bisque is great, but it ain’t crap compared to the 12-oz filet on the other side of the menu.

I can’t help but wonder about people whose vote for the leader of the free world is swayed by the second name on the ticket. That’s like picking a team to win the Super Bowl because you like their back-up quarterback.

Alas, some voters really do want to know all about each ticket’s number two. So here’s some cursory background information on each one.

Democrat Joe Biden is a six-term senator from the state of Delaware. He’s an occasionally fiery Irish Catholic whose mouth sometimes gets him into trouble. He’s the guy who, last year, called Obama – his current running mate – the first “articulate and bright and clean” mainstream African-American presidential candidate. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are still clearing their throats.

Biden’s own campaign for the Oval Office in 1988 faltered after allegations arose he plagiarized some of his speeches. Since then, Biden has never again uttered the words “Ich bin ein Delawarean.”

Sarah Palin is the first-term Republican governor of Alaska and, until recently, was relatively unknown outside of hardcore political circles. She’s been the chief executive of the least populous state for a whopping two years. Before that, she was the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (population 8471). Now, she’s the running mate of a man who’s had four bouts with cancer and would be the oldest person ever elected as president. Good thing vice presidents aren’t that important.

Despite her status as a political greenhorn, I, like many others, find Palin compelling. She’s a 44-year-old mother of five and was the first runner-up in the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant.

Wow, first runner-up. Maybe she actually is the most qualified person to be VP, since she’s accustomed to being the next in line.

While Palin bears a strong resemblance to 30 Rock star Tina Fey, her kids sound like they were dubbed by Demi Moore and Bruce Willis. Their names are Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig. That’s right, as in a sport, a city, a tree, a plane, and a subject most high school students dread.

I can see why McCain decided she was the right choice, since he’s the one with the “Drill Here, Drill Now” plan. After all, not only was she the chairwoman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, but she’s a milfish mother of five who apparently knows a thing or two about drilling, as does her husband.

Palin is also a gun enthusiast. In fact, the news networks repeatedly showed her firing an automatic rifle at a range in Kuwait. If she’s elected vice president, hopefully she’ll prove a better shot than Cheney.

There’s another issue I need to address regarding the presidential campaign. I hear people, usually older folks of the conservative ilk who like to call talk radio stations, say they can’t believe people are actually voting for Obama. They cite his lack of experience, his liberal agenda, and websites that say he’s really a Muslim. They’re aghast that fellow Americans could be naive and stupid enough to vote for a guy named Barack Hussein Obama. To them, I say, Republicans are largely responsible for the Obama phenomenon, in more ways than one.

Firstly, there are the last seven-and-a-half years of George Bush. Now, before you dismiss me as a patent Bush-basher, keep in mind that I voted for him twice. I just like to be intellectually honest about things like poor leadership, unsound economic policy, and questionable political appointments.

The current administration has managed to create a political environment in which Obama appeals to a good portion of the electorate. To them, he’s not some neophyte who’s all rhetoric and no substance. Instead, he’s a refreshing change from the usual suspects they see on the ballot every four years. In other words, the Bush White House has left them so thirsty for change, they’re more than willing to drink the Obama Kool-Aid®.

This wouldn’t be the first time that the GOP created the ideal climate for a Democratic presidential victory. Herbert Hoover’s inaction at the onset of the Great Depression allowed FDR not only to take the White House, but it also enabled him to get much of his New Deal passed through Congress amidst unprecedented economic desperation.

If not for Watergate and Ford’s subsequent pardoning of Nixon, we probably never would have ventured so far outside the beltway to elect a peanut farmer named Carter from Plains, Georgia.

Likewise, if not for our current political atmosphere, Barack Obama would likely be just another first-term senator. Of course, if not for the missteps of another Republican, Obama might still be languishing in the Illinois State Senate.

Here’s a trivia question: What does Barack Obama have in common with Star Trek: Voyager? Other than the fact that Obama sort of looks like Lt. Commander Tuvok, the answer is actress Jeri Ryan, who played the hot Borg babe, Seven of Nine.

Jeri Ryan was married to Jack Ryan, an Illinois Republican. In 2004, Jack Ryan was cruising right along in his U.S. Senate campaign for an open seat vacated by retiring GOP Sen. Peter Fitzgerald.

Only months before the election, though, Ryan was muscled out of the race by party leaders after court papers from Jack and Jeri’s divorce were unsealed. In them, the object of many a Trekker’s libidinous eye claimed that her ex-husband took her to sex clubs, where he urged her to engage in sexual acts in front of other patrons. Set phasers to boom-chicka-wah-wah!