Nonbelievers of the theory of evolution must have been thrilled at what they saw on TV last month. Within the span of a few days, we saw multiple, glaring examples of the chronic devolution of human society.

The first nationally broadcast incident of indecent behavior happened during the U.S. Open women’s singles semifinals. After getting called for a foot fault (resulting in a double fault) by a female line judge, Serena Williams launched into a tirade that likely made John McEnroe blush.

Following a hearty initial outburst directed at the diminutive Asian lady, the physically imposing Williams looked like she would resume play, but instead walked back toward the line judge to serve up more venom instead of the ball. While some parts of the video are inaudible because of the crowd booing her, one sentence of Williams’ rant came through loud and clear: “If I could, I’d take this f—king ball and shove it down your f—king throat!”

The line judge then approached the chair umpire. During the ensuing on-court conference, Williams denied saying she threatened to kill the line judge, but she was penalized a point for unsportsmanlike conduct. Unfortunately for Venus’ “little” sister, it just happened to come on match point, which meant her opponent Kim Clijsters won the match.

In a post-match conference with the media, Williams said with a smile, “I’ve never been in a fight in my whole life, so I don’t know why she would have felt threatened.”

Hmm, I can’t imagine why a tiny lady would feel threatened by a 6-foot-tall, world-class athlete with visible sinew comparable to that of a female bodybuilder. All she did was say she would shove a ball down her throat while holding a tennis racket.

I also can’t believe Serena’s never been in a fight in her entire life. Maybe it’s because nobody’s wanted to get his or her ass kicked by a 6-foot-tall, world-class athlete with visible sinew comparable to that of a female bodybuilder. It’s just a hunch.

She eventually apologized for venting her spleen in such an unladylike manner. Perhaps it was simply a case of ’roid rage. You know how hormones can make women moody.

The following evening, we saw Kanye West ruin Taylor Swift’s moment in the spotlight at the Video Music Awards. Actually, only a few people who gave a damn about what was on MTV saw the incident. The rest of us found out later.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know how the hip-hop douche bag busted on stage while the adorable, 19-year-old, crossover star was starting to give her acceptance speech after winning the award for Best Female Video for “You Belong with Me.” After he declared that “Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time,” Swift was unable to finish her speech, West was escorted from the premises, and the crowd booed every time his name was mentioned throughout the remainder of the show.

Some say West was seen walking around backstage earlier in the evening, sipping Hennessey straight from the bottle. Of course, that’s no excuse for ambushing a sweet girl who’s not even old enough to drink.

Even though West later apologized and did a mea culpa on the premiere of Jay Leno’s new show, I still think Swift would be justified in exacting revenge. I’m thinking she should sit outside his bedroom window with a bullhorn, and every time Kanye starts to get freaky with his bald girlfriend, Swift should blare out, “Yo, Kanye, I’mma let you finish, but John Holmes had one of the biggest shlongs of all time!” On second thought, maybe she could just have her manager take care of that.

Then there was the infamous “You lie” outburst by Rep. Joe Wilson of South Carolina during President Barack Obama’s address to Congress. It proved to be almost as embarrassing for Republicans as Tom Delay shaking his ass on Dancing with the Stars.

Is that the best Wilson could do? “You lie”? I mean, if you’re going to make an ass of yourself during an address by the leader of the free world, at least try to inject a little more eloquence into your outburst. Otherwise, you sound just like a drunk heckler at a comedy show. “You stink!” “You suck!” “You lie!” Not much difference, is there?

Come on, Wilson. You were in the audience at a presidential address, not amateur night at the Apollo.

“You lie” is an extremely simple sentence composed of two monosyllabic words. It makes one sound less like a statesman and more like the laconic Stuart Dooley from King of the Hill. He’s known for memorable lines such as “I’m back” and “You care.”

I can’t help but think, if Wilson had done the same thing a couple hundred years ago, he would have found himself the next morning walking ten paces in an open field with a dueling pistol in his hand. Of course, that was when gentlemen settled things like “gentlemen.”

Maybe that’s why people were more civil in their discourse back then. They were afraid they might suffer bodily harm if they offended someone.

Today, however, people act like asses in all sorts of venues without fear of physical retaliation. On talk radio and cable news shows, pundits and commentators call people on the other side all sorts of inflammatory things, like Nazi, Commie, racist, bigot, and even the antichrist.

And they do it quite loudly. There’s nothing meek and understated on these shows. They’re more “in your face” than local car dealer commercials. They rely on divisiveness and decibels rather than deftness of speech.

Then there’s reality TV, where being an inconsiderate tool can make a person moderately famous. With such an incentive to create “drama” for millions of people with no lives, it’s no wonder talentless fame-seekers act like awful human beings in front of the cameras. It’s either that or do porn.

Finally, there’s the internet, where thousands of bloggers and users post some of the most outrageous things that have ever been expressed by members of the human race. As the web gets increasingly crowded with more and more voices, more and more people seemingly feel compelled to increase the shock level just to keep their audience’s attention, all with relative impunity.

In many cases, they do all this in anonymity. Even if they’re not using pseudonyms, you don’t know where they are, which makes it hard to go kick their asses.

It’s pretty easy to talk sh–t when you’re not worried about getting your face smashed in. That’s why I think we should bring back dueling. People would instantly start being a lot more polite to each other.