As the publisher of this fine magazine, I certainly hope we didn’t piss off any Port Allen High School fans by killing their mascot on this month’s cover. I know firsthand how some Westsiders can sometimes get a little spicy. I married the daughter of one.

Likewise, I hope that preservationists, ornithologists, and pedestrian fans of our state bird realize I was simply trying to make a point by impaling it with one. Specifically, even if Mayor Kip Holden’s bond proposal to build the $225 million Audubon Alive project downtown makes it onto the November ballot, it runs a serious risk of being shot down … and then hung from the gallows along the levee while the nouveau homeless look on.

Its only chance for passage is to be included as part of a larger, $901 million capital-improvement tax and bond proposal aimed at also funding a new Parish Prison, new fire stations, drainage improvement projects, traffic signal synchronization, and various other projects that most citizens of East Baton Rouge feel we need.

If the Metro Council separates the Alive portion from the rest of the capital-improvement proposal and puts it on the ballot as a stand-alone entity that can be voted down, like a zebra that gets separated from a pack being pursued by a lion, it’s doomed. Its only hope for survival is to stay with the pack.

I don’t see how it could pass if voters have the opportunity to veto it without rejecting all the other projects. Personally, I like the Alive project proposal as a potential economic driver and a future centerpiece for Downtown Baton Rouge, but given the current economic climate (we’re wrapping up the summer of the “staycation”) and the fact that a similar proposal by the mayor failed last year despite being on the ballot at the same time Holden won an overwhelming majority of votes in the primary, I just don’t see it happening.

In fact, I believe Obama’s health-care reform measures have a better chance of getting passed than a freestanding Alive project ballot measure. Thankfully, no one opposing Alive has shown up at a public meeting armed with an AR-15.

If it does fail, it won’t be because of a lack of effort on the part of Alive supporters. They’ve been airing radio commercials, working the social media circuits, and attending Metro Council meetings to educate people about the benefits of the Alive project, which would include a park, amphitheater, and indoor meeting space. At the heart of this effort is a group known as Progress Is, a group of young professionals formed to help make Baton Rouge more attractive to their ilk.

Man, that sounds familiar. Where else have I heard about a group of young professionals trying to make Baton Rouge more forward-thinking? Hmmm … Oh yeah, A6 and Forum 35 have supposedly been trying to do the same thing for the last few years.

But Progress Is is different. They’re on Facebook AND Twitter. Even TaxBusters’ Fred Dent Jr. can’t help but be influenced by a pithy tweet.

Can you tell I’m just a bit cynical? I’m sorry, to all my friends in Progress Is, but I just can’t get onboard with the latest and greatest civic group.

I wish you all the luck in the world in getting the Alive project passed. Like I said, I’m a supporter. However, I simply can’t seem to will myself to click the “Join” button on your Facebook group page. Just send me the link for my porn name generator instead.

With all these groups forming to help our community overcome its small-town mentality, it’s getting to be like that coworker who approaches you with a new multilevel marketing scheme every six months. Sure, it sounds like a great plan, but so did the last one, and the one before that, and the one before that.

That’s why I don’t want to become part of your “network.” It doesn’t mean we can’t still have a drink together, just as long as you don’t try to sell me on joining your group.