C’mon, you didn’t think I was going to miss out on my chance to put in my two cents on the whole Tiger Woods fiasco, did you? Sure, it’s been well covered, to the point of exhaustion, and it has nothing to do with our cover, but I feel like I have some points to make that haven’t already been made.

Now I know a lot of people who don’t necessarily defend Tiger’s alleged, yet seemingly apparent, infidelities, but they do think the story was blown way out of proportion. They insist that his purported menagerie of mistresses isn’t worthy of all the coverage received from the mainstream media since he’s simply another wealthy athlete who reportedly cheated on his wife. These people claim that what Tiger did away from the golf course is nobody’s business except for the parties directly affected, like him, his family, and the skanks he allegedly sank extramarital putts into.

The problem with this argument is that approximately only 10% of Tiger’s enormous income actually comes from golf winnings. The other 90% comes from endorsements, as in companies paid hundreds of millions of dollars to be associated with Tiger. In my book, that makes the ruination of Tiger’s public image a legitimate topic for discussion.

This is especially true given how notoriously private and protective of his public image Tiger has been since he soared to the top of the golfing world over a decade ago. After all, this is the same man who fired his caddy Fluff Cowan (who now carries Jim Furyk’s bag) after he began to get a little too chummy with the media. Many golf fans believe Tiger replaced the lovable Fluff with Steve Williams because he trusts the relatively reticent Kiwi caddy to keep his mouth shut.

Heretofore, in fact, Tiger and his handlers controlled his image so rigorously that the general public knew next to nothing about arguably the most famous athlete in the world. All they ever gave us was the greatest golfer on the planet and a sanitized personality, which is why Tiger’s supposed actions are so befuddling.

Why in the world would someone who so guarded his personal life from the rest of the human race have a two-and-a-half-year affair with a chick who was on Tool Academy? Did he think Jamie Grubbs, who has such low self-esteem and poor taste in men that she went on a VH1 reality show designed to “fix” her douche bag boyfriend, would keep their tryst on the down low? Did he think that she would keep a lid on their affair instead of seeking another 15 minutes of fame by blabbering to Us Weekly at the first sign of trouble?

Here’s a newsflash: Jamie Grubbs isn’t just a whore. She’s an attention whore. Way to keep things under wraps, Tiger.

Then there are all the other girls who claim they slept with Tiger, including a few porn stars. In fact, there are so many, there’s a “Women of Tiger Woods 2010 Calendar Girls.” Of course, December is currently blank, but as they say, “hope springs eternal.” And no, that’s not the title to a porno flick featuring one of Tiger’s girls, although it could be.

I’ll be brutally honest. If Tiger really wanted to cheat on his wife while maintaining his privacy, he should have just hired some prostitutes. Once hookers are paid, you don’t have to worry about them going to the tabloids, because they know if they do, they might as well find a new line of work. Fact is, they know how to do two things very well: spread their legs and close their mouths (unless, of course, their johns desire fellatio).

Since I’m being brutally honest, I’ll let all you female readers in on a secret. The wrongness of him cheating on his gorgeous wife and mother of his children aside, Tiger screwed up by cheating down.

I know it sounds crass, but most men would be more willing to pardon Tiger’s indiscretions if he had flings with women above his perceived level. Many men can understand the indiscretion, but the skank factor is unforgivable. Cases in point: Bill Clinton and Prince Charles (i.e., the leader of the free world with Monica Lewinski and the future king of England with Camilla Parker-Bowles).

Of course, cheating up is almost impossible when you’re Tiger Woods and married to Elin Nordegren. But it certainly doesn’t help when your mistresses look like they belong on the back of discounted DVDs in the “Adults Only” section.

People wonder whether Tiger’s career can recover from this scandal. Personally, I doubt it. Then again, I said the same thing about Michael Vick’s future in professional football.

Besides the damage that Tiger has done to his marriage and his career, there’s also the damage that he’s caused to professional golf. If TV ratings took a nosedive the few times Tiger failed to make the cut at a tournament, imagine what a protracted absence by Tiger is going to do to them. Put more plainly, which do you think I’d rather spend a Sunday afternoon watching – a boring, Tigerless golf tourney or a women’s pro beach volleyball match?

Tiger Woods has single-handedly handicapped the PGA Tour. Sadly, he could have prevented this from happening had he “single-handedly” fulfilled his fantasies in the privacy of his bathroom like most respectable husbands do.