April is one of those months that gets a bad rap just because of the weather. Whenever anybody so much as hears its name, the first thing that pops into his head is that antique line “April showers bring May flowers.”

Oh yeah? Well, April also brings Arbor Day, the Boston Marathon, and Buddha’s birthday. It’s also National Grilled Cheese Month. Plus, we haven’t even mentioned Easter, that magical day when the giant rabbit rolled away the stone and Jesus rose from the tomb to run around your backyard laying magic candy-filled eggs, or something like that.

So let’s see what the stars have in store for your astrological Easter basket this year.

ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): Aries looks bright and playful today, suggesting now would be a good time for extracurricular activities or romance. Then again, I may be reading this wrong, and it’s just suggesting that you’ll have the house to yourself today and should take the time to rub one out before anyone gets home.

TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Motion in the spheres suggests you might soon be bitten by the travel bug, or a deer tick, resulting in Lyme disease. Either way, you should probably pack a bag.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The solitude of your stars this month hints at some upcoming free time for you and your special someone. Depending on where you are romantically, it may be a good time to plan an intimate dinner. Pasta is always nice, if your loved one knows about you, or McDonald’s cheeseburgers fit easily in a coat pocket if you’re just watching her from outside a window.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Some large bodies are moving into your sphere this month, and it may be time to finally bring up that little secret you’ve been holding back. Remember: It’s never too late to tell someone you have herpes; believe me: He ALWAYS finds out anyway.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): This is a great time for you! Rising stars suggest the possibility of a raise, a bonus, or even a promotion this month. No, wait, wait a second … the eyepiece was inverted on my telescope. FIRED — YOU ARE SO VERY FIRED THIS MONTH!!!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Wandering planets in your area mean it’s time to reconsider your options. Perhaps you should update your résumé or paint your house. Or if you’re like Tiger Woods, it’s time to meet another lucky gal!

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The full moon at the end of the month might just fill you with the desire to help your elders. You might decide to walk an old lady across the street, or you may decide to help your grandfather down the stairs via a boot to the small of his back so you can finally get your hands on that inheritance.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The beginning of this month has prompted you to try to remember what it was that you forgot last month. You’re not sure what it is, but you know it’s really important. What was it? The electric bill? Insulin? Your anniversary? Eh, you’ll figure it out.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Things look to get tense for you this month. Added stress at work will lead to you taking it out on the family and your pets. You might snap and kill somebody. Who knows? I’d switch to decaf for a while.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’ll be exerting a positive force on everyone you meet this month. Take advantage of this situation, but be careful. Saying “thank you” to the crazy homeless guy when he holds the door at the supermarket may lead to him following you back to your car to give you the old “you’re welcome.”

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Money looks to be tight this month. You might consider some sources of extra income, such as selling arts and crafts, personal possessions, or maybe you should try to sell some of that sweet stuff your mamma gave you. You know what I’m talking about. Make that money!!!

PISCES (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): You should try to stay at home this month. There are just too many things out there to worry about right now — drug violence, swine flu, terrorists, Glenn Beck. I’d just stay home for a while.