Heath Ledger was a legend. That has been cemented with his win of the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his amazing turn as the Joker in last summer’s The Dark Knight. What an indelible mark to leave behind, eh?

Several of our legendary heroes of the cinema were able to bow out with such grace: James Dean in Giant, John Wayne in The Shootist, and even typically macabre Vincent Price was able to touch our hearts with his fatherly role in Edward Scissorhands.

Unfortunately, not all of those big names of yesteryear were able to go out on a high note, as it were. Any fans of Bela Lugosi out there? The consummate vampire who defined our perception of Dracula (the Transylvanian accent, the sophisticated creepiness, the garlic breath) is not as well known for his last role on the big screen.

People often call Plan 9 from Outer Space the worst movie ever made. Aside from UFOs with visible strings flying over a cardboard Washington, D.C., and a cop that kept scratching his nose with a loaded gun, the movie featured footage – yes, FOOTAGE – of the esteemed actor skulking around. You see, he was dead before his “friend” Ed Wood shot most of the movie. With the stitched-in footage and a very unconvincing body double, Lugosi was able to play the Ghoul Man with the pride and dignity deserving of toe fungus.

Yes, Katherine Hepburn was honored more than any other actress in the history of the Academy (though Meryl Streep ain’t done yet), but if you take a look at her filmography, you’ll notice a never-celebrated cinematic feat called Love Affair. Warren Beatty managed to drag her out of retirement to sully her good name. Why? Did he really think it was a good idea? Is he a sadist? Was it part of an intricate plot to take control of the pineapple industry in Ohio? The world may never know. It must be noted, however, that there is something jolting about hearing that famous mouth utter the phrase "F–k a duck."

Also, although it doesn’t count as his final screen appearance, Orson Welles (whom you may be familiar with because of a minor little film called Citizen Kane) may have started out with a film worthy of being at the top of the American Film Institute’s list of the best movies ever. However, in 1986, the last brushstroke on his life’s painting was the voice of the planet-eating Unicron in Transformers: The Movie – not to be confused with the 2007 live-action flick. Both were big hits with the 8- to 12-year-old male demographic, but only one was a posthumous boot to the face of Orson Welles’ career.

One can only wonder about what kind of exit today’s stars and tomorrow’s legends will make. Will Zac Efron close out with a minor role as the cranky, incontinent neighbor who can’t stop hitting on his own octogenarian daughter? Will the chick from Mamma Mia be an aging starlet who still thinks she’s got it though she lost it 60 years prior? Will Vin Diesel and Paul Walker actually still be able to work after Fast and Furious (not to be confused with The Fast and The Furious) comes out?

OK, America. Just stop reading books. Given the number of films that are based on books, the local theatre will soon replace your local library. Throw in comic book-based movies, and there’s nary a film out there with an original screenplay around it.

Maybe that’s blasphemy; after all, not only are there a lot of original movies that get lots of critical praise that no one goes to see, but libraries are also the last bastions of the intellectual chic in a lot of towns. They even have movies! Oh, define irony. Visit one and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Besides, they smell neat, like books or something.

I love libraries. I even lost my virginity in one. It was a Teen Beat magazine with Alyssa Milano on the cover. I often wonder what happened to it, but it was never meant to be. I was a human and she was a magazine. Actually, I still am – a human, I mean. Anyway, you never forget your first.

Well, that’s enough for now. Make sure to wear green on the 17th, or I will send my little pal Lucky to pinch you with sheer abandon. See you next month.