And so it began, as it has for each generation of young lovers. It is a flashy race to the finish line. It is an aggressive assault on singledom. It is a members-only club with valet parking, across the street from the corner bistro – the only place we can afford to eat. It is the diamond-dazzling, stomach-turning flourish of engagements.

That’s right, I said it. It’s engagement season. *Barf*

Wait, wait, wait. It isn’t like engagements are bad. They are wonderful and lovely and can be incredibly romantic.

What I’m referring to is the "Everyone else is getting married, so we should, too" attitude. And as much as I try to resist, somewhere deep down in the very pit of my stomach, back in the corner with all of the gum I swallowed as a child, it actually makes me feel inadequate.

Maybe it would help if I gave you an example:

The boyfriend (you know, the one who took away all of my heart-pumping, leg-humping, witty sex talk) and I have a number of friends who have decided to make the leap of faith, promising the hearts and bank accounts to one another. Some proposed via the big screen at hockey games in Texas, others simply took a knee at the same exact spot where their first kiss occurred. (How they even remember that is unbeknownst to me.)  But however they did it, it included some tears and some kisses and a huge, flashy, white gold setting, VS-quality rock.

And that’s how it gets to us … the rock.

Because what happens when the rock gets passed around on the hand of the dainty bride-to-be at cocktail parties and at other wedding receptions is the "So when are you two going to tie the knot?" look.

Oh, and that look! That look! It is the look more than the diamond that makes me quiver. Because now, all of a sudden, there is a question in the unengaged couple’s relationship that wasn’t there before: Why aren’t we engaged?

And you know what I have to say to that question, to that look? LEAVE US ALONE!

Everything is good the way it is. We are happy. We have phenomenal sex. We still cuddle. I started cooking breakfast on the weekends and he started doing the dishes without me asking. What more can you ask for right now? Seriously!

OK, rants and outbursts aside, the issue is this: Your engagement is great and wonderful, but don’t expect us to jump on the bandwagon with you. We have our own pace, our own timing.

That push to get married from relationship “outsiders” is what makes for nuptials on false pretenses. It leads to church-aisle disasters. It leads to torn wedding dresses and broken wedding vows.

Peer pressure. Peer pressure is what happens to the unengaged couple.

So I have a message for all you guilt-trippers, all you suggestive-eyers, all you romance-horny, wedding-cake-craving, chicken-dance gigolos: We aren’t falling for it.

I mean, everyone is different. Everyone is special. (Please just swallow the new age, feel-good bullsh–t. Just this once.) And asking us all to conform to your arbitrary standards is just too much. Too much, I tell you!

’Cause here’s the rub. The rush or lack thereof to get hitched is none of your business. Couples take their next steps only as quickly as they choose to travel. Some sprint, others casually stroll. There’s no point in rushing the affair. All that does is make it so you’re stepping on our heels while we walk the path towards forever – or not.

To those of you with ice from Tiffany on your fourth, left finger, congrats! Couldn’t be happier for you.

As for the pit in the corner of my stomach … you know, the one with the Bubblicious® and the Big Red® smooshed up against the wall … it can take a Tums®. I will not let it talk trash to my head and my heart, which know better than to feel the guilt trip or the slight panic attacks that occur when pondering what the next ten years will bring.