Apparently, a shift has occurred in English language and culture, and I wasn’t privy to the discussion. What I mean is that, somewhere over the last few years, “casual dating” has come to be defined as casual sex without effort, emotion, or consequences, instead of “casual dating” being defined as casually going on dates with a number of different people to determine which of those people you might want to spend more time with exclusively.

Am I just getting old (be careful how you respond; I’m nowhere even near 30 years old yet), or did “casual dating” die?

I have a friend who always jokes that it is better to sleep with a guy before your first date. You know, because if it isn’t good, it isn’t worth wasting time going through the motions: small talk, making out, deciding who picks up the bill.

But she doesn’t mean that she just drops her pants as soon as she meets a guy. It’s more like she gets to know a guy socially, and they end up hanging out and sleeping together before they go on their first official date. There’s still some introductory phase, getting to know each other, and a seduction. It’s more than just sex.

In fact, even if a girl meets a guy at a bar, they talk, they flirt, and then they have sex, there’s some sort of (albeit brief) courtship occurring there.

So why do I think “casual dating” has died? Visit onlinebootycall.com.

My mother actually called me one day about the website. “Scarlett, oh my gosh. Have you seen this yet? It’s like match.com only without the match part.”

And she was right. Go ahead; visit the site. You know you want to look. It’s like watching a train wreck.

The tagline is “A dating site for singles who enjoy being single.” What it should actually say is “A legal prostitution site for singles/married individuals looking for a way to cheat/sexual predators who enjoy picking sex partners based on a tiny headshot on a ‘dating’ site.”

Site visitors create usernames and passwords, create profiles, and search for someone to have a “casual date” with. The promise is no talk of marriage, plans for the future, or anything remotely resembling a responsible interaction with someone of the opposite (or same) sex.

In fact, the site’s webmasters are so adamant about it that they have created a credo, a pledge, a code of dishonor. I’d try to summarize it for you, but I think the exact language is the only thing that does it justice. It is as follows:

Booty Call Commandments

1. I.Thou shalt get out before the sun rises.
   

2. II.Thou shouldest never ask “can we see each other from now on?”
   

3. III.Thou shalt refrain from referring to our activities as “love making.”
   

4. IV.Thou shalt not request advanced plans.
   

5. V.Thou shalt kiss anything except my mouth.
   

6. VI.Thou shalt scream my name often.
   

7. VII.If someone cometh over whilst thou art here, thou art my cousin from out of town.
   

8. VIII.Thou shalt not ask me to walk thee to thy car. Don’t thou knoweth what it looketh like?
   

9. IX.There shall be no “pillow talk.”
   

10. X.There shall be no cuddling – ever!
    

Honestly, hasn’t anyone seen Pretty Woman? These sound like Julia Roberts’ character’s rules for Richard Gere. Only in this scenario, no one is as attractive as either of those actors, nor are there wads of cash to be had for the sex trade. And there definitely aren’t any romantic scenes with balconies, flowers, and limos to whisk away the fair lady to a life of luxury.

Now, some will say that I am being a prude, that being in a long-term relationship has turned me cold to the primal heat of desire. For those critics, I have four rebuttals:

1. •This is the ultimate in lazy!
   Come on. Are you telling me that you can’t even make the effort to go to a bar, get a little tipsy, and then go home with a stranger? That’s too much work? You need to log onto the web, click a few buttons, and be automatically granted sex? Wow. The world is more disgusting than I remember.
   

2. •This is prostitution without the cash.
   At least when a hooker finds a john, she gets a little green in return.
   

3. •Sex with strangers is great and all if you’re into awkwardness.
   Maybe there’s a reason why the people are looking for “casual dating” via onlinebootycall.com. Maybe they are huge losers with no rhythm for the bump and grind. Maybe they prematurely ejaculate or think that biting during oral sex is a good idea. Not sure about you, but I have no desire to find out.
   

4. •Baton Rouge is fourth in the nation for the highest number of AIDS cases in large metropolitan areas.
   That’s right, folks: we are still near the top of another bad list. We’re still beating out New Orleans, too. So, if you’re willing to walk the fine line of having sex with a stranger/hoping you won’t get infected, just know your chances of staying clean and alive aren’t that great.
   

That being said, if you’re in the market for cheap and easy sex with no strings attached (except for the STDs and emotional scars from banging a head case or sexual predator), onlinebootycall.com is just what you need.

Maybe it’s time to meet your booty-call buddy in person before signing your physical and mental health away. Just a thought.