This month’s “Brown Eye” is notorious for an evidently self-inflicted black eye and backward “B” carved into her cheek. She’s also become the poster child for batsh–t crazy Republicans who’ll do anything to make the other side look like evil incarnate.

Ashley Todd, a John McCain campaign worker from College Station, Texas, made national headlines last month when she told authorities in Pittsburgh she was robbed by a black man who beat her and carved the “B” – apparently for “Barack” – into her face after noticing a bumper sticker for the senior senator from Arizona on her car.

She initially told investigators that, on October 22, a 6-foot-4, black male with a medium build and short hair, wearing dark clothes and shiny shoes, approached her from behind at an ATM, put a knife to her throat, and demanded money. She said she handed over $60 and the assailant walked away. However, after spotting her McCain sticker, rather than getting away with the loot, he felt compelled to make an impromptu political statement.

According to her original statement, the assailant “punched her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground, and he continued to punch and kick her while threatening to teach her a lesson for being a McCain supporter.” She also said her attacker “called her a lot of names and stated that ‘You are going to be a Barack supporter,’ at which time she states he sat on her chest, pinning both her hands down with his knees, and scratched into her face a backward letter ‘B’ on the right side of her face using what she believed to be a very dull knife.”

After police discovered “several inconsistencies” in Todd’s statement (like no footage of her in surveillance videos taken at the ATM), the 20-year-old admitted she fabricated the whole story. She wasn’t robbed and there was no attacker.

We at Red Shtick Magazine knew that bitch was making it up all along. What kind of a thug shines his shoes but doesn’t sharpen his knife? Shiny shoes ain’t gonna cut nobody. They only look sharp.

Unfortunately, other highly credible and respected media outlets, like FOX News and Drudge Report, jumped on the story faster than Rush Limbaugh on the last OxyContin® in the bottle. Of course, it’s not the first time they helped carry the water for a Republican from Texas who famously stretched the truth.

Thanks to Todd crying wolf (in her own, unique, self-mutilating, racist way), future chubby, white, Republican chicks who have backward letters of the alphabet carved into their face by black, dyslexic, politically conscious thieves – for real – may not be taken seriously by police.

Todd’s actions also cast doubt on claims made by other crazy, desperate, race-baiting McCain supporters. For all we know, Barack Obama may not even be a member of an Islamic sleeper cell intent on waging Jihad and installing Sharia law after winning the White House.