Here’s a lesson for any aspiring impersonators of a police officer out there: If you’re going to drive around with a firearm and flashing dashboard light, pulling people over, and you happen to stop a physically imposing public official, commit to the role. Don’t do like this month’s Sphincter and wuss out at the first sign of trouble.

Police say 21-year-old Daniel Niederhelman of Shreveport, who is not a commissioned officer and reportedly works for a private security company, was using an unauthorized, in-dash, emergency flashing red light to maneuver his privately owned white Chevrolet Monte Carlo through traffic on September 13 in northwest Louisiana. He then came up behind another vehicle and the driver pulled over, but when Niederhelman recognized the man behind the wheel, he got back in his fake cop car and drove off like the lily-livered, yellow-bellied douche bag that he pretends not to be.

Niederhelman got cold feet and drove off like a scared little girl when he realized he had pulled over Shreveport Mayor Cedric Glover, who is likely the biggest mayor in the entire Gulf South. Glover is well over 6 feet tall and reportedly buys two plane tickets when he flies because he weighs over 350 pounds, but that shouldn’t matter to a person who gets his rocks off by being a fake cop. A real fake cop would stop Arnold Schwarzenegger without blinking an eye.

When Niederhelman sped away after nearly crapping his pants at the sight of the mayor, Glover followed him at a distance and called the police … the real ones. After driving through several neighborhoods, Niederhelman eventually stopped at a building where he was greeted by several bona fide cops.

Glover said Niederhelman identified himself as a Red River Parish firefighter, to which Glover responded, “Where is the fire in southeast Caddo Parish?” There was no fire, but police did confiscate a firearm from Niederhelman’s holster, along with the flashing light, before arresting him and charging him with one count of false personation of a peace officer.

It turns out that there’s no record of Niederhelman ever being a firefighter in Red River Parish. What a surprise.

So only moments after flaking out as a fake cop, this tool had the gall to become a fake fireman? The fact is, if he doesn’t have the balls to issue a fake citation to the mayor of Shreveport, he certainly doesn’t have the nads to race into a fake raging fire. However, he certainly has what it takes to be a true a–hole.