Early last month, Kelly Coffman-Lee of Centennial, Colorado, applied for and was granted a vanity license plate. As a vegan, she chose “ILVTOFU” to profess her affinity for soy-based bean curd, a staple of her family’s diet.

However, officials at the Division of Motor Vehicles later denied her request, claiming that the series of letters could be interpreted as profane, as in “I-LV-TO-F-U.” Department of Revenue spokesman Mark Couch insisted, “We don’t allow ‘FU’ because some people could read that as street language for sex.”

That is utterly ridiculous, because any vanity plate linguistics expert will tell you that the preposition “to” is almost always represented by the numeral “2,” which would thus open up a spot for the U in “LUV.” Therefore, if the obscene message cited by state officials were actually Coffman-Lee’s intended message, her plate request would have read “ILUV2FU.” Damn bureaucrats.

To further Coffman-Lee’s case, the plate would have been on her Suzuki, which is already emblazoned with numerous stickers promoting the vegan lifestyle, including some that say “VGN: GoVeg.com” and “Stop Global Warming: Go Vegan.” It’s not like the plate would have been completely open to interpretation without any accompanying context.

“I feel it’s very important to be expressive,” said Coffman-Lee. The 38-year-old added, “If you pull up behind me, you’ll know what I stand for.”

Coffman-Lee insisted tofu is “very wholesome” and anything but “a dirty, evil food.” Disappointed by the decision, she said, “Tofu, it’s a word and if, you know, the DMV is gonna start censoring what people might be thinking, that’s a little bit ‘1984’-ish for me.”

With all the tree-hugging granola types, like Coffman-Lee, that call the Centennial State home, you’d think state officials in Colorado would be more indulgent and understanding of their need to publicly proclaim their lifestyles. This is especially true for vegans, who, outside of better-testing semen, don’t have much else to enjoy.