During World War II, the Brits showed remarkable resolve when the Germans ferociously bombed England for eight months. This month’s Sphincters, however, have caused just as much mental damage to their neighbors with their noisy sex sessions as the Luftwaffe did with the Blitz.

Caroline and Steve Cartwright, who live in the town of Washington in northeast England, were in a Newcastle Crown Court last month, where witnesses described their raucous lovemaking as “murder” and “unnatural.” Their midcoitus screams and shrieks allegedly even drowned out their neighbor’s television.

At the hearing, the libidinous Mrs. Cartwright pled guilty to three counts of breaching a four-year anti-social behavior order (ASBO) issued in April by Sunderland City Magistrates. The ASBO was issued after she repeatedly breached a noise abatement notice imposed in 2007 following more than 250 complaints lodged by neighbors, the postman, and even a woman taking her child to school.

The Cartwrights’ next-door neighbor Rachel O’Connor told the court she frequently overslept and was late for work after being kept up most of the night because of the ear-splitting intercourse. She said, “The noise sounds like they are both in considerable pain. I cannot describe the noise. I have never heard anything like it.”

In November, the 48-year-old Cartwright unsuccessfully appealed the noise abatement notice and the subsequent ASBO, which, according to the BBC, banned the couple from “shouting, screaming or vocalisation at such a level as to be a statutory nuisance.” Cartwright claimed she was unable to control her animalistic utterances while doing the nasty, and that any attempt to restrict her behavior is a violation of her human rights.

Well, what about the human rights of everyone within three city blocks? Don’t they each have the right to have an undisturbed night of sleep, not to mention an undisturbed psyche?

A city official said he rejected her bid because the Cartwrights’ deafening romps were “clearly of a very disturbing nature” and were “compounded by the duration,” saying they “went on for hours at a time.” Furthermore, the annoyance factor was “further compounded by the frequency of the episodes, virtually every night.”

In fact, Caroline Cartwright admitted to violating the ASBO on April 18, April 22, and April 26, three times in about a week, and just days after it had been issued. This clearly shows she has no respect for the law, her neighbors, or her neighbors’ emotional well-being. Who wouldn’t be psychologically scarred from being exposed for hours at a time on a nightly basis to the orgasmic howls of a slightly overweight, middle-aged limey?

While Caroline Cartwright is the one in trouble with the law, her husband Steve is no less guilty as an enabler. Maybe if he occasionally told his wife “No,” she wouldn’t be awaiting sentencing on January 18.

While the British have a reputation for keeping a stiff upper lip, Steve Cartwright apparently is talented at keeping another part of his anatomy stiff. Sadly for his neighbors, not since Hitler’s V2 rocket has a missile disrupted so many lives in England.