Manslaughter is an extremely underappreciated word. It does not get the respect it deserves. It’s the most descriptive word for killing, but for some reason, it is the least criminal of all murders.

If you accidentally kill somebody, it’s manslaughter. You could trip, drop a gun, it goes off, and somebody dies … Manslaughter!

I think that’s a bunch of crap. Manslaughter sounds vicious. It sounds like it should be something you yell when you are going to kill someone and you mean it. “I’M GONNA MANSLAUGHTER YOOOU!!!! It has all the components of the act you are committing: Man and Slaughter. Plus, it’s not politically correct. There is no womanslaughter or peopleslaughter; just men only. It’s the last bastion of male freedom.

If nothing else, it should be reserved for really messy killings, the kinds that make people that work the scenes throw up. It could be like a hate crime or anything you need multiple mops to clean up.

Murder is a lame word. It should only be used on CSI: Miami, Quincy M.E., and Dr. Seuss books. I would add hack comedians to that list, but I am sure one of them will steal this and use it in his hack comedy act, and it will make me want to manslaughter him.

Now, on to things that have always confused me … How does “S-e-a-n” spell “Shawn”? It doesn’t. Not even in Louisiana does that work, and we use “eaux” as “oh.” Either pronounce it as “Scene,” or change it to Shawn.

Another thing that has always bothered me is the human body temperature. 98.6 degrees is normal operating temperature. So why do I sweat like a fatty when it’s 90 degrees outside? You would think, if anything, that should be a little chilly. When you have a fever, you can feel the difference of warmth on your skin, which means it is fairly close to that inner body temp. If anything, I should be really cozy at 98 degrees.

I stopped at a gas station the other day, and there were some fellas in there with short, cut-off, jean shorts and sleeveless half-shirts. At first I thought it was because I was in Prairieville, but then I noticed the mullets and moustaches were fakes.

After some investigating, I found out they were going to a party. I gave them advice about wearing normal clothes to a party and changing when they get there, and then changing on the way home. If you get pulled over, you know it’s going to end up on one of those police video shows, and tens of people will see you looking like an ass.

Anything involving a costume or drag should wait until you get where you are going. If you get pulled over wearing a miniskirt and blonde wig, no matter what kind of party you are going to, the cops won’t believe it. You are just another tranny working the streets, and Sheriff John Bunnell will talk about you being part of the seedy underbelly of society.