Maybe it’s the season, or maybe the 10th consecutive day of 90+ temps is burning the soft spot in my head, but either way, since I’m writing this in late May, and the last of the romance of spring is melting into the sweltering broiler that will be our summer, I thought I would take this chance to let women have a little insight into men. 

It was brought to my attention today just how truly different men and women are. I found out that most women don’t have “lists.” 

For those ladies that don’t know, a guy’s “list” is a list of women.

Every guy has lists. Not just a list, but lists for every occasion. We have lists for friends, school, coworkers, random women in the store we are currently in (not to be confused with the list from the store we just left), and sometimes we have lists of the best from other lists. 

Lists are one of the great things in life. We discuss our lists like we would stock tips or how to cook a perfect steak (by the way, pan-seared then broiled to barely medium rare is the correct answer).

We debate lists with the zeal of Lincoln and Douglas and the thoroughness of Santa seeing who’s been naughty and nice. Sometimes we even trade lists like comic books or baseball cards. 

It probably has something to do with us being the shallower of the species, but I am fairly confident that the first caveman who saw a cavewoman thought: “Yeah, she’s on the list,” and then promptly hit her over the head with a club and dragged her back to his cave.

While I am on the topic of men and women, let me let you ladies in on probably the greatest piece of information you will ever come across: Just tell us it’s big. 

That really is the secret to men. It can get you anything you want. Cars, jewelry, bar tabs … the world is your oyster with that one little line.

It’s like the radio contests for “the phrase that pays.” You can throw in other adjectives, but basically, that phrase is a free pass to anything.

We know having a headache is a lie, but if it’s too big for you to handle tonight, then everybody wins.

You could even preface it with “This is the biggest lie I have ever told, and honestly, the exact opposite is true, but…” Much like everything else about guys, we don’t pay attention until after you put that “but” out there. 

And for the record, it has nothing to do with ego. It has to do with perspective.

We only have one view: downward. We even look sad looking at it, just standing there with our head hung low.  

It’s like Avatar for women, though. It’s 3-D, coming right off the screen.

Think about it: Anything you look down at seems tiny. Look down at that ant on the ground, and it’s miniscule. However, if you actually pick one up, it’s the size of an aardvark. 

I look down at my feet, and they don’t seem all that big, but when I hold that 13 Wide Kenneth Cole dress shoe in front of my face, it’s enormous, but maybe it’s just the color…