2012. The Mayan calendar ends this year on December 21. They weren’t too clear on how the world will come to an end, but everyone seems to worry about it ending.

Not me. I welcome it. After all, if it preempts Jersey Shore, CNN, MSNBC, Teen Mom, Real Housewives, Lifetime, and OWN network, then bring it on. 

With the presidential election coming up in November, I am starting to welcome the end of the world. Really, I’m sick of the candidates already.

Has society gotten to a point where candidates tear down each other and dig up as much dirt as possible until only one mediocre, centric, possibly brain-damaged candidate remains, and we have to pick between that person and our current mediocre, centric, possibly brain-damaged president? That kind of election makes me wish the planet Nibiru would collide with Earth sooner. 

The European Union is slowly collapsing like a house made out of papier-mâché in a hurricane. It won’t be long until the U.S. joins it. We can’t keep spending $3 trillion over our budget every year and not collapse.

But don’t worry: When we run out of money, the rioting in the streets will be the least of our worries. At least, if the money runs out after the election. By then, the flying monkeys of the apocalypse will be knocking on the door.

No one is very clear on this whole end of the world thing. Is it really the planet Nibiru crashing into the Pacific Ocean, unless Bruce Willis saves us? Could it be the Yellowstone Caldera and other volcanoes erupting, covering the planet with a new crunchy layer of tasty nougat? Maybe global warming (or cooling) will turn our planet into a scorched Earth (or frozen Popsicle). The sun is poised to enter a peak of solar activity this summer, so a good solar flare could cook all of us one weekend. Zombies would be a fun way to go, if for no reason other than I get to double-tap people I don’t like (if they became zombies, of course). 

2012 is gonna be a banner year for disasters as the Mayan calendar comes to an end. It’ll definitely make crappy old 2011 look like 1976 or 1987 (or whatever cool year you remember). Just make sure your dog is tied up so the tornadoes don’t get him.