There are times when drugs are just not enough, man. Times when even trying to drink yourself into some zombielike nirvana is fruitless.

No, ’cause, you see, you cannot run. You cannot hide. No, there is no escape.

At some point, you will have to buckle down and review that Mark Wahlberg movie.

Damn it. I did what I could. Bowl after bowl, I puffed away and waited for that familiar dream state to take me over and carry me along to that magical place where I am safe, and serene, and where, no matter how badly Marky Mark may sucky-suck, it will be of no consequence to me … for I would be one of the baked.

Marky Mark, let it be known, is impervious to the effects of weed. And this is a very strong argument for having him put down.

But before we can move on to arguing this point, we must discuss The Other Guys — the film Mr. Wahlberg stars in this month. After all, how bad can this task be?

It is not likely to be as sad as Wahlberg’s music career, or as painful to endure as the loss of a loved one or a limb you have grown attached to since birth … or I Heart Huckabees.

No, I say, there is reason to rejoice, my friends, because this time around, Marky Me Boy has Will Ferrell to keep him company, and as odd as it may seem, this combination is quite effective.

Honestly. There were times when I could look at Wahlberg and not have the constant “please die please die please die” mantra fill my head, the one that I have come to expect from past Wahlberg films.

I should note that the film already has the deck stacked for enjoyment. The director is Adam McKay, and he scored a huge hit just a few years ago with lead actor Will Ferrell in Anchorman.

Now, I am not willing to blaspheme and claim that The Other Guys is anywhere near the genius of Ron Burgundy and company, but this was pretty damn close to me.

In the film, Wahlberg and Ferrell are two cops who crave to be in the spotlight that’s always shining on fellow cops Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson. All muscles and bravado, Jackson and Johnson represent the stereotypical tough guy police officers who are just too manly for words. As their polar opposites, Wahlberg and Ferrell are the hapless desk dwellers looking to make good, who you just cannot help but root for.

Now, in the past, I have been known to be critical of Dwayne Johnson’s acting work. And I will continue to be.

After Scorpion King, I prayed I would never have to smell what the Rock was acting in again. However, much like taxes and Ann Coulter, the man refuses to go away.

I will admit the man has a nice sort of cartoony charisma that puts him in league with Elmer Fudd on the believability scale; however, this serves him well in this film, where he is not asked to be anything short of over-the-top.

I liked him in this film. Perhaps this would be a good time for him to go away before I change my mind.

My only real concern about the film is WTF happened to Samuel L. Jackson? I am not sure if he bulked up for this film, or if he was stung by bees, or if he just inhaled deeply and held it, but he looks swollen or full of some strange fluid in this movie.

It is distracting, and he truly did not need it to be intimidating. When has he ever? If the man came to my house to take the census, there would be the strong possibility of me pissing on myself.

Let me note for the record that Michael Keaton is in this film. I do not have the right — and neither do you — to review Mr. Keaton, as he was — and for me, remains to be — Batman. Any man who can go from Mr. Mom to unseating Adam West from his Batman throne does not need my validation.

Keaton remains for me the only man who could have done an entire Batman film as Bruce Wayne and would have had me excited to see it. Every other batman — that’s right, all with small b’s — made me want to root for the villains. But Keaton kept me glued to the screen.

But then Joel Schumacher had to take dark and gothic Gotham City and turn it into the f—king Super Kmart! Do I really need to see Batman’s nipples? And how in the hell did…

I’m sorry. I digressed. The Other Guys. Okay…

I wish I could say something about this film that will really engage you and challenge you as a filmgoer, but what you have here is just another example of Adam McKay as Tim Burton working with his own Johnny Depp, Will Ferrell, in yet another comedy that works on every level, even the ones it should not work on. 

So many clichés here — and they all work. Super-nerdy cop who wants a chance to shine despite his incompetence, but who is also a surprise dynamo in bed with a smoking hot wife. Pair him with a partner on the edge of sanity due to the sad boredom that is his life. Put them together in a no-win situation and have them come out the winners in the end.

There are no surprises here, except the newfound experience of getting to say, “Hey, you should see that new Mark Wahlberg film.” Yet it all works, and the fact that the whole script has an undertone of been there-done that familiarity only serves to make it that much more comfortable to ease into.

As usual, the total commitment Ferrell brings to his role is alone worth the price of admission. The fact that at no time do you consider lighting yourself on fire makes Wahlberg’s performance almost a modern miracle.

Oh sure, scholars may argue ad infinitum over which Wahlberg is the true brother with “the right stuff” … which one could universally be relied on to “hang tough” … be it Donnie or Marky … but I think, in this case, I have to vote for Mark.

Yeah, I know. Donnie may have shot Bruce Willis to death in The Sixth Sense and been part of a cinematic zeitgeist, but Marky … well, if nothing else, he is converting oxygen into carbon dioxide like nobody’s business and, for once, in this film anyway, he may not make you vomit violently.

So should you see The Other Guys? I say HELL YEAH. Damn right! Go, don’t vomit, and enjoy it!