On the night of April 13, the Denver Nuggets defeated the Houston Rockets by the score of 111-94. For Nuggets All-Star Carmelo Anthony, however, his 11 points on 3-for-11 shooting that night proved to be his worst game of the season.

He was evidently quite disappointed in his substandard effort, because hours later, the former Syracuse Orangeman was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol. It seems that, in order to help alleviate distress stemming from a poor performance, Carmelo likes to get “Melo” in his car.

It seems fitting that this month’s BACS honorable mention was arrested in the “wee” hours of St. Patrick’s Day. Just before 3am on March 17, the California Highway Patrol said “top o’ the morning” to Thomas Elliot, better known as Thomas Jane, actor and husband to Medium star Patricia Arquette.

In 2000, when LSU quarterback Josh Booty threw an ill-advised interception in the closing moments of the University of Alabama at Birmingham game, it was returned for the winning touchdown. As Tiger fans exited Death Valley following the 13-10 loss to the Blazers, many of them wished they could have gotten their paws on the Evangel Christian Academy product.

All sports have rules that require enforcement by impartial arbiters. The BACS is no different. While baseball umpires wear blue and football officials wear stripes, BACS referees wear badges and carry guns.

What better way to cap off 2007 than with yet another Hollywood starlet getting arrested for DUI? This time it was Mischa Barton who batted her bloodshot peepers at the mug shot photographer.

It would seem that acting in a smash TV hit filmed in Hawaii nowadays is a lot more stressful than one might think. After all, people pay good money to vacation in Hawaii to unwind and relax, not to mention acting, as a profession, doesn’t exactly have a reputation for causing premature gray hair (it’s acting ­– not underwater demolition). But, then again, the grass is always greener on the other side of the Pacific.

For our honorable mention entry this month, we had several candidates from which to choose. There was the West Virginia ambulance driver who was charged with DUI for transporting a patient while hopped-up on drugs. We also had a local candidate who was arrested twice in one night at two different DWI checkpoints in Tangipahoa Parish.

Just because we at Red Shtick Magazine are known for being politically incorrect, it doesn’t mean that we don’t have our moments. This month’s BACS honorable mention is a perfect example of how, just like the mainstream media, we, too, can report inspirational stories of disabled people leading full, rewarding lives.

Ladies, if leaving the toilet seat up is the worst thing that your man does, count your lucky stars, because there are more annoying things he could do. If you don’t believe us, just ask Charlotte Moore of Spring Creek, Nevada.

The 36-year-old Moore was arrested on August 11 on a charge of driving under the influence of alcohol in ElkoCounty. Incidentally, Moore is an Elko County Sheriff’s Deputy. After her release from jail, the 11-year veteran was placed on administrative leave from her position as a jail deputy.

At the tender age of 11, Lindsay Lohan portrayed both twins in The Parent Trap. It seems only fitting that she would have made such a name for herself by playing duplicitous roles, since the last couple of months of her personal life seem like déjà vu.