Former BR Mayor Insists He’s Not Dead Yet

Metro Councilman Byron Sharper has proposed renaming a large stretch of Interstate 10 in Baton Rouge in honor of former Baton Rouge Mayor Tom Ed McHugh.

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In the wake of Eliot Spitzer’s resignation as New York governor, high-end prostitutes around the country began a “whore-out” in March, refusing to have sex until their clients become more adept at skirting the law.

“We’re the best tail in the world,” said Vivian LeStade, president of United Escorts International. “If you’re going to get some of this, you better know how to move money into an offshore account without getting busted or learn how to keep your name out of some madam’s little black book.”

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Baton Rouge publisher Rolfe McCollister has agreed to personally pay for a statewide “ethics orgy” planned for next month at the Old State Capitol.

McCollister said he would use his own funds to cover the costs of food, alcohol, prostitutes, sex toys, and horse tranquilizers that will be available at the bacchanalian meeting to discuss the Jindal administration’s ongoing efforts with ethics reform.

McCollister said that, by paying for the orgy, he would send a message to fellow Louisiana citizens that Governor Jindal’s administration is “serious about transparency in state government.”

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LSU football fans wasted little time celebrating January’s BCS Championship victory over Ohio State with raucous parties, parades, and frequent, public masturbation.

BATON ROUGE – Baton Rouge Business Report publisher Rolfe McCollister was named in December as the successor to TV gadget pitchman Billy Mays.

TUSCALOOSA, AL – Despite Les Miles’ comments to the contrary, LSU might still be courting Alabama’s Nick Saban for a return to Tiger football.

BATON ROUGE – Nick Saban garnered 50.2% of the vote in October 20 balloting, defeating his three opponents and avoiding a runoff for the distinction as Louisiana’s biggest a–hole.

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HEAVEN – Telling Louisiana voters His answer “should be obvious by now,” God formally asked the state in September to quit praying for political reform.

“If it hasn’t occurred to you yet, I Am a serious Omnipotent Being,” the Almighty said in a release. “Victims of tsunamis and earthquakes, kids with incurable diseases – those are the people who really need My help.”

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Louisiana lost out to Alabama in the economic development wars again last month after a rubber phallus-making company chose Tuscaloosa as the site for a new manufacturing plant.

The Delta Dong factory will be built on the University of Alabama campus with GO Zone tax credits and money from the state’s hurricane recovery program. Plans call for the plant to begin turning out large, vibrating dildos in mid-2008.

“Actually, we never really considered Louisiana for the plant,” Delta Dong CEO Ted Grundle said. “We were just f—king with those guys to get more money out of Alabama. Ironic, isn’t it?”

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BATON ROUGE – Calling it “quite simply a coup,” LSU Chancellor Sean O’Keefe announced last month the university ended its long-running search for a new system president by hiring the Rancor to succeed William Jenkins.