It’s the dawn of a new era! It’s a great day for the state of Louisiana! It’s the golden age of the small and silver screens once again, as the fertile field that is Louisiana politics attracts movie studios like cows to a verdant meadow.

Greetings, salutations, hello, and whaddup! I was only arrested twice this past month for harassing celebrities and trespassing, but I got a few tidbits on what’s happening in the entertainment world.  Let’s not waste more time with a silly introductory paragr…

Lindsay Lohan naked.  Lindsay Lohan naked? Lindsay Lohan naked!  Okay, I know I'm not the only one that was a little bit excited last month when little Miss Lohan bared all in a Marilyn Monroe-inspired photo spread.  Yeah, she's not the little pristine scamp that we grew to love all those years ago in Disney's remake of The Parent Trap. She's more tramp than scamp nowadays, with an uncanny ability to pick movie roles that are at once lousy and simultaneously stupid.  Still, for all of us who were eagerly anticipating her 18th birthday a few years back, having a nice, artistic set of photos is great…a lot better than those fuzzy, internet, nip-slip pictures.  Oh joy.  Oh joy.

Love.  You're better off without it, and I'm better off without mine. What did they call it in Princess Bride? A dream within a dream.  A nightmare, more like.  Love is patient? Love is kind? Bah! Love is hurried.  Love is cruel.  Love stinks.  (Yeah, yeah.)

2008!  Wow, who’da thunk it? I thought I'd be dead by now, like John Belushi or Chris Farley, but I guess I'm not famous enough.  Whatever shall I do with these extra 365 – wait! – 366 days that I've been granted by Fate, Destiny, and Providence?! After I take out the garbage.  And tear all of my hair out because Jessica Alba is freakin' pregnant!

December, Le Decembre, Diciembre, Dezember, Juu-ni Getsu. Yes, yes, that magical month is upon us. In many parts of the Northern Hemisphere, it means snowball fights, snow angels, tobogganing, and school cancellations due to inclement weather. Here, it pretty much means the rain gets a little colder. But it is also that magical time of year when the boob tube bestows upon us the magic of the Christmas TV special. Don't it feel good to be an American?

Remember; remember the month of November, the turkey and the dressing.  I know it's perky if the turkey receives the Thanksgiving blessing.  I'm getting hungry right now.  I need to go slather myself in gravy and…wait a minute; this is not an internet chat room.  My peculiar proclivities will have to wait until another time, a time when I can get my hands on some cranberry sauce.

Well, Tim Burton's epic stop-motion classic is back! The Nightmare Before Christmas is hitting theaters.  Again!  But this time it's in 3-D! Wait, it was in 3-D the last time it came to the movies, last year.  Okay, this time it's exactly the same as it was last year! How exciting!

So now that all the little kiddies have gone back to school, dads are free to have a sick day at home and not worry about the rug rats cramping their style.  C'mon dads, you know you like to have the house to yourselves every once in a while.  It's not like when you were a bachelor and you owned the kingdom.  Now you have to share it, no matter who's paying the bills.

Okay, you love movies.  You've seen hundreds of them.  You've enjoyed at least a dozen.  So why remain a passive spectator?   Wouldn't you love to be behind the camera, deciding the look, tone, and direction of a movie?  Or pose nude in front of the camera?  Wait, I meant act. ACT in front of the camera.