People who propagate 9/11 conspiracy theories are definitely a different breed. In fact, some might argue their beliefs alone would qualify them to participate in the Special Olympics. This month’s “Brown Eye,” though, has astonishingly managed to make most 9/11 “Truthers” look like the late William F. Buckley.

There’s just something about free Hannah Montana tickets that makes grown men do stupid things. First, there was the flap involving the staff of newly elected Governor Bobby Jindal. Now, we’ve learned they can make a 41-year-old state correction officer, who is drawing disability benefits, dress in drag – including high heels – and race against a bunch of other similarly clad men in front of TV cameras.

In the game Monopoly^®, one of the best cards you can draw from the Community Chest pile begins with the phrase “Bank error in your favor.” One of the worst cards in the game orders a player to proceed directly to jail. This month’s Sphincter inanely managed to combine the two, and as a result, a man faces 25 years in prison.

For the second time in as many months, our “Sphincter Spotlight” is a town of prudes. In January, we told you about how the folks in Duncanville, Texas were trying to rid their city of a swingers’ pad called The Cherry Pit. This month, we bring you the story of a tiny community with a super-hot mayor and a population of über-conservative bluenoses and rumormongers.

Duncanville, Texas, which proclaims itself "The Perfect Blend of Family, Community and Business," is a city of 36,000 just southwest of Dallas. While it has about 50 places of worship, it does not have a single, registered, sexually-oriented business. It does, however, feature a late–’70s, split-level home on Cedar Ridge Drive owned by a couple of swingers.

If you’ve ever had your daily commute extended by a passing train, only to see that train come to a stop and then go backwards, you know firsthand how the folks working on the railroad can make decisions that are simultaneously mystifying and infuriating all the livelong day. Kansas City Southern Railway only exacerbated that reputation with their recent decision to raze arguably one of the most unique and architecturally significant buildings in Louisiana.

True animal lovers (not the kind to which Judge Darrell White was referring when speaking in opposition to the One Baton Rouge resolution) understand that often the bonds between people and their pets can become stronger than those with other human beings. If you need proof, just consider how many New Orleanians refused to evacuate during Katrina because they couldn’t bring their four-legged family members with them.

Well, he’s been here before. Once again, everybody’s favorite über-white guy, Bill O’Reilly, is our Sphincter Spotlight.

In case you missed the story about what the Long Island boy said on his radio show, he and FOX News contributor Juan Williams were conversing on September 19 about O’Reilly’s dining experience in Harlem at Sylvia’s Restaurant with the Rev. Al Sharpton. We’re not making that up. He actually had dinner with Al Sharpton…in Harlem. Let that sink in before reading further.

Since the advent of reality TV, executives responsible for this bane of the entertainment industry have gotten increasingly creative in formulating the premises of their brainchildren (ironic since reality shows require no creative writers). These pinheads seldom fail to produce at least one controversial show each season. Remember Survivor: Separate but Equal and FOX’s Skating with Felons? This fall is no different.

In the illustrious history of Red Shtick Magazine, no one has ever managed to garner two stints as our “Brown I.” There’s always a first time, though, and that time is now. New Orleans District Attorney Eddie Jordan now holds the distinction as the only person to be featured in “Sphincter Spotlight” twice.