Kids these days are too insulated from the harsh realities that await them in the real world. This month’s hero, though, has written a children’s book that helps prepare them to face our brutally superficial society.

Most guys know that exotic dancers can break things in a man’s life: his pocketbook, his heart, and his marriage. This month’s hero, though, is living proof that a stripper can also break a man’s face, even without the aid of a 300-pound bouncer. Stephen Chang, who works as a securities trader in New York, claims in a lawsuit that he was injured while receiving a lap dance on November 2, 2007 at the Hot Lap Dance Club in Midtown Manhattan.

Sometimes, getting the shaft is a desirable thing. In fact, many folks will pay good money to get it. That’s why our Hero this month is the U.S. Fifth District Court of Appeals for overturning a Texas statute that outlawed the sale of sex toys.

In May 2007, Red Shtick publisher Jeremy White criticized the prognosticational prowess of Livingston Parish fortune-tellers. He questioned their ability to predict the future after no one from their industry appeared to oppose an ordinance that would effectively outlaw their livelihoods.

This month’s hero is an unlikely one, to say the least. He’s David Pfahler, a 60-year-old attorney who’s suing an 8-year-old boy for injuries he sustained from a collision on a ski slope in Beaver Creek, Colorado.

 This month’s hero proves that young ladies today still have positive role models worth emulating. They don’t have to settle for human train wrecks like Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Tara Reid. While those skanks were sauntering in public, getting photographed with exposed nips and naughty bits, this woman demonstrated true poise and grace under “fire” amid a dermatological hell, assumingly perpetrated by an unidentified, jealous rival.

 We always had a sneaking suspicion that the phrase “will of the people” meant absolutely nothing to some members of the East Baton Rouge Parish Metro Council. Now, thanks to their actions following the overwhelming approval of a parish-wide directive to legalize alcohol sales on Sundays, we know for certain that at least two of them don’t give a damn what the people want.

 The folks over at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have a reputation for being a bunch of hyper-intelligent brainiacs. Their legendary intellectual prowess can be intimidating to the rest of us mere mortals with nominal noggins. This month’s hero, however, proves that just because someone has the smarts to attend MIT, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s the brightest bulb on the circuit board.

Once upon a time, Steven Seagal was a huge box office draw. As a martial arts/action hero, he was one of the highest-paid actors in Hollywood. His movies, like Hard to Kill and Under Siege, earned over $1 billion in ticket and DVD sales during the 1990s. Lately, though, Seagal’s stardom has significantly faded, to the point that his films are almost exclusively of the straight-to-video ilk.

It’s not often that we have the occasion to sing the praises of the leaders of the oft-misspelled and oft-mispronounced parish of Pointe Coupee. Hence, we’re taking full advantage of this rare opportunity by featuring the Pointe Coupee Parish Policy Jury in this month’s “Hero Highlight.”