Lindsay Lohan naked.  Lindsay Lohan naked? Lindsay Lohan naked!  Okay, I know I'm not the only one that was a little bit excited last month when little Miss Lohan bared all in a Marilyn Monroe-inspired photo spread.  Yeah, she's not the little pristine scamp that we grew to love all those years ago in Disney's remake of The Parent Trap. She's more tramp than scamp nowadays, with an uncanny ability to pick movie roles that are at once lousy and simultaneously stupid.  Still, for all of us who were eagerly anticipating her 18th birthday a few years back, having a nice, artistic set of photos is great…a lot better than those fuzzy, internet, nip-slip pictures.  Oh joy.  Oh joy.

I'd Like to Thank the Academy…

So yeah, Oscar had his day last month.  Despite a writers' strike and Hollywood growing a conscience of sorts this past year, the Academy Awards showcased a degree of decadence not seen since…well, last year's Oscars.  These award ceremonies have ever been a showcase for how much people like to spend on outfits.  If you saw Tilda Swinton's outfit (and I use the term loosely), you know what I'm talking about.

Still, they are the big celebration of the magic that is the movie.  And I just wanted to cry when Jessica Alba came out to talk about all the work that the technicians and behind-the-scenes folk do…mainly because she's pregnant and I was lamenting that it wasn't mine.

No Country for Old Men won the big Oscar – Best Picture of the Year.  The movie was based on a book by Cormac McCarthy.  Does this mean that more of his works will hit the big screen? Actually, one of them already has: All the Pretty Horses.  Surprised?  Me too.  That's all.  No funny observances.

Can I just say an aside really quick? How is it that Transformers didn't win for visual effects?  You tell me a construction truck changes into a robot, which then roller-skates through a bus, cutting it in half in the process, and there's no recognition for that!?!  That's movie magic, my friend!  And don't forget the scene where the Chihuahua piddles on the 30-foot robot!  Nothing says Oscar gold like a golden shower!  Okay, that came out wrong, but you know what I mean.

You know what bugs me about watching the Academy Awards more than anything? It's not the extravagant outfits, or the fact that people blurt out their acceptance speeches in foreign languages (though I think it would be cool if someone started thanking their parents in Esperanto).  What bugs me is when the fifth nominee wins.

They tell you the first nominee, and you consider in your mind whether that'd be a good choice.  Then they announce the second nominee, and you go back and forth in your head about whether that one was better than the first. Then the same with the third, and by the time the fourth option is given, you're taking so much time debating in your head or with friends about it that the fifth nominee just kind of slips in, and you barely have time to register that there was a #5 before the jerkwad presenters are saying, "…the Oscar goes to…” and you're left saying, "Who did what to whom with a what, now?"

Okay, enough ranting.

Rumor has it that Alex Trebek was replaced with a robot.  Makes you wonder who else might be robotic on your favorite TV shows and movies.  Keanu Reeves?  Yeah, definitely.  And why do you think that it was easy to computerize Angelina Jolie for Beowulf?  They just had to download her primary programming.  The jury's still out on Matt Damon; he might be just really anal.  Speaking of which, I've got to go.  I've got a lunch appointment.