In the game Monopoly^®, one of the best cards you can draw from the Community Chest pile begins with the phrase “Bank error in your favor.” One of the worst cards in the game orders a player to proceed directly to jail. This month’s Sphincter inanely managed to combine the two, and as a result, a man faces 25 years in prison.

Benjamin Lovell, a 48-year-old salesman from Brownsfield, New York, is charged with first-degree grand larceny for withdrawing over $2 million from Commerce Bank after employees convinced him that it was his money when, in fact, they had confused him with another Benjamin Lovell.

On December 14, Lovell was making a $400 deposit when he was informed by a teller that he had $5.8 million in another account. Much to his credit, a befuddled Lovell, who earns $600 a week working for KeySpan, spoke to the manager and other bank officials about his unexpected windfall. They all reportedly insisted that the money was his and there was no problem with him withdrawing as much as he wished.

Presumably thinking that miracles do happen, Lovell immediately withdrew $10,000. Later that day, he took out another $990,000, and over the next four weeks, he allegedly withdrew another $1.1 million. In the interim, no one at the bank had a clue they had inexcusably mixed up the Social Security Numbers of this poor schmuck and a Philadelphia shoe mogul.

Earlier in December, the monetary mayhem was set into motion when Woodlawn Trustee, the rightful owner of the larger account, asked the bank to authorize the second, more affluent Lovell to act on their account. Unfortunately for the first, less prosperous Lovell, the idiots at Commerce Bank indefensibly turned this simple, routine, administrative task into a felonious, $6-million tease.

It took the wunderkinds at “America’s Most Convenient Bank” two months to figure out their colossal screwup, but Lovell was eventually arrested on February 18. At his arraignment the next day in Brooklyn Criminal Court, it was ordered that Lovell be held in lieu of $3 million bond or $1 million cash bail.

Why he was given such an exorbitant bond is beyond us. After all, he only took $2 million. At least he had the decency to leave the rest for the rightful owner.

Furthermore, after the married dad gave $36,000 to his friends and spent $8,000 on jewelry for his girlfriend, he tried to be a good steward of his illegally acquired money by investing $1.5 million in the stock market. Unfortunately for Lovell, his brief stint as a member of the nouveau riche coincided with a bear market. His investments went bad and he couldn’t pay back the money. Only $500,000 was recovered.

We’re not saying that Lovell should get off scot-free, but Commerce Bank should bear some of the responsibility. If not for their colossal f–k up, none of this would have happened. Besides, how could authorities reasonably expect an underpaid salesman with a mistress and $800 in his bank account to resist such a temptation, especially when it’s virtually thrust upon him by a bunch of semi-retarded bank officials?

Some people have their lives turned around when Oprah gives them an assload of money. This guy probably just thought the bank was his mystical Harpo Productions.