Greetings, salutations, hello, and whaddup! I was only arrested twice this past month for harassing celebrities and trespassing, but I got a few tidbits on what’s happening in the entertainment world.  Let’s not waste more time with a silly introductory paragr…

Novels, plays, television shows, comic books, video games: They’ve all been source material for movies, and it’s worked the other way, too, with books, shows, and even plays based on movies.  And it’s worked sideways, with games based on shows, comics based on books, and porn based on all of them.  But what hasn’t happened is a movie based on a candy product.  That is, until now.

Bazooka Joe will star in his own feature-length epic based around the jaunty jokes of his (typically) multi-panel comic as seen on Bazooka^® bubble gum.  We get to see the origins of Bazooka Joe, how he met those other zany characters, and how he earned that eye patch.  Not to be outdone, Mars, Inc. will be working on a full-length M&M’s^® movie.  It’ll have CGI, celebrity voices, nudity (“my peanut is showing!”), and some of the most grizzly death scenes you can imagine a candy-coated, chocolate treat experiencing.  I can’t hardly wait.

Speaking of video games (well, we kind of were a while ago), anyone who’s even the slightest bit into Xbox™ or PlayStation^® will have heard of a little thing called Rock Band™, where you can play a guitar controller (or two) and a digital drum setup, and rock some karaoke action, all at the same time.  It’s like Guitar Hero™ plus Drum Hero plus Sing Hero.  And I’m not the only one who’s excited about it.  Apparently, if you’re not satisfied with the songs offered in the game, you can download more, and people have done that six million times.  Apparently, the lonely, socially awkward geek is a thing of the past.  Now, geeks band together into socially awkward bunches.  They’re sharing a drink we call loneliness, but it’s better than geeking alone.

A brief aside: Is it me, or does April seem empty when Easter comes in March? No Petey Cottontail hoppin’ down the bunny trail.  We’ve already had our fill of chocolate bunnies.  And now we’re getting ready for summer omelets instead of hard-boiling and dyeing our eggs.  And April has just begun! Weird, huh?  But I digress…

Anyway, in case you haven’t heard, Paul Giamatti actually did a pretty good job playing John Adams on the HBO miniseries entitled, you guessed it, John Adams.  As is often the case with a good thing, other groups are jumping on the bandwagon.  Well, they do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  (Who the hell are the ubiquitous “they,” anyway?)

There was more than one hero of the revolution.  There’s already an independent movie about Samuel Adams, his brewing prowess, and his use of recreational drugs.  But what about Max Lyesmith?

Max Lyesmith was a stableboy for Paul Revere’s neighbor, Lance Potterson.  When Paul Revere and two of his famous midnight riders where detained by British troops on the night of April 18, 1775 between Lexington and Concord, it was Max that came to free them.  Max snuck in and slit the throats of two of the redcoats with a bit of straw before the rest knew he was there.  He ninja’d one to death and shot lightning bolts out of his rump at two more.

By then, Revere’s companions, Prescott and Dawes, had escaped, but Paul himself had been injured in the melee.  Lyesmith carried Revere the seven miles to Lexington so they could be there for the famous battle at Lexington Green.  All this when Max Lyesmith was only 5-and-a-half years old.  And there’s been no movie about the tyke.  Now that’s a crime.

Okay, I gotta go back to Jessica Alba’s and Christina Aguilera’s pre-pregnancy underwear on eBay^®.  Y’all have a good Easter…er…I mean, April.