What is it about July that leads to uprisings? As any elementary student knows, the fourth of July is the day the Second Continental Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence, thus declaring to George III that he should sit on it and twirl. But we’re not alone: July 1, 1962, saw Rwanda and Burundi gaining independence from Belgium; July 3 celebrates the liberation of Belarus from the Soviet Union; and July 5 saw the independence of Algeria (from France), the Cape Verde Islands (from Portugal), and Venezuela (from Spain). But that’s not even the beginning.

So when the fireworks have died down and the barbecue-and-beer hangover starts to wane, jump back into the spirit of independence by celebrating the freedom of a country outside the U.S. that more than likely is full of people who want to spit on you just for being American.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Belgium broke from the Netherlands on July 21, 1831. Aside from several Flemish masters and impressive architecture, Belgians also produce a mighty fine pint that kicks like a mule.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):Sao Tome and Principe gained freedom from Portugal on July 12, 1975. These two islands are so small that Portugal didn’t notice, even though they send Portugal a “Thinking of You” card every year on its birthday.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): On July 26, 1847, with the help of the U.S., freed American slaves declared Liberia an independent republic, much to the chagrin of the 16 other ethnicities that already lived there. For more information on how well things turned out, see the movie Lord of War.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Argentina declared independence from Spain on July 9, 1816. It’s the fifth-largest wine producer in the world, and they consume an annual average of 220.5 lbs of red meat per capita (# 1 worldwide) – enough to make Texans shut the hell up about it already.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): France lost Algeria on July 5, 1962. This upset the French, who took it in 1830, but it was news to the Berbers, who had been living there since 10,000 B.C. and continue to live there today, ignoring the French just like everybody else.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): July 14 is Bastille Day, the day the French took the Bastille to arm themselves in an uprising against the monarchy. Shortly after this, with the help of Napoleon, the French pretty much redirected the course of European history. Today the French enjoy bicycling, promiscuity, and skipping showers.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Rwanda and Burundi both freed themselves from Belgium on July 1, 1962. After that, the Hutu and Tutsi attempted to free themselves of each other, killing millions over the next few decades.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Maldives shook off British rule on July 26, 1965. From the air, the Maldives look like blue sapphires in the Indian Ocean. From land, they look like every Corona^® commercial you’ve ever seen. This combination officially makes the Maldives the most laid-back Muslim nation on earth.

PISCES (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): Peru has been free from Spain since July 28, 1821. 300 years earlier, the Spanish arrived, and the Incans, whose advanced society knew nothing of money, were quickly subjugated. Suckers!

ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): The Commonwealth of the Bahama Islands gained its freedom from Great Britain on July 10, 1973. Tourists to the islands will see colorful stilt-walkers called Mocko Jumbies. These guys are the flip side to “jumbies,” unbaptized children who became evil spirits forced to walk the earth at night with backwards feet. Today they get their pictures taken with Girls Gone Wild.

TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Slovakia declared its independence in 1992 on July 17. If you go there today, be sure to visit the beautiful capital city of Bratislava before you are kidnapped and dismembered by a wealthy businessman a la Hostel.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20):Colombia claims two Independence Days from Spain on July 20 and August 7 of 1824. You can’t blame them for not picking just one; there’s more cocaine in that country than in Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and George W. Bush’s bathrooms combined.