I’ve seen several futuristic movies in my day: Demolition Man, Minority Report, Fifth Element, Aliens, Total Recall, etc. But it wasn’t until the other day that I saw a film that might actually resemble our future. The movie’s called Idiocracy.

Idiocracy is a futuristic comedy starring Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph. The film is based on the fact that smart, successful people carefully plan conception and childbirth, while poor, stupid people fornicate with everything in sight with a total disregard for the use of contraceptives. This phenomenon takes the human race down an evolutionary path that results in a world full of borderline-retarded humans and the extinction of intelligent people in the year 2505.

This portrait of the future might be more accurate than any other futuristic film of our time. If you take a careful look around, you can see some of these things happening to us already. Take a look at our president, for instance.

I was watching something on YouTube the other day. It was clips of former U.S. presidents saying famous lines, like: “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country” and “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Then they showed George W. at some type of German conference. A woman was speaking in German and said something about Hamburg. While she was speaking, Bush lightly chuckled into the microphone, “Huh, hamburgers, huh.”

Browsing through The Advocate a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon an article about a guy who was caught having sex with his dog. The U.S. Marshals showed up at the man’s house to serve him a warrant for not registering as a sex offender, and they literally caught him with his pants down.

He was allegedly in the backyard, trying to penetrate one of his dogs. The man later admitted to police that he was, in fact, humping his dog. According to the article, the man said he woke up with a strong urge to have sex (a morning wood, perhaps). Then he sat in the backyard with his coffee, where he claims he started thinking about having sex with animals. That’s when he propped up one of his dogs on a chair and started giving her the business.

The article was disturbing enough, but then I watched Channel 2’s coverage of the incident. The video is hilarious. It doesn’t show the sex offender f–king his dog or anything like that (sorry to disappoint all of those into bestiality), but it does show the accused man’s niece defending him. “Why would he have to have sex wit a dog when he got a whole woman dat lives wit him,” she said. Then she wanted to know how the authorities saw her uncle if he was in the backyard. “They got pictures or sumthin? We need to see some type of evidence.”

 Please go to The Advocate’s website and look for this story in the archives for Friday, June 20. Words cannot do this story justice. You have to watch the video.

Okay, that story may be a bit off topic, but I’m just giving some real-life examples of the stupidity we are already surrounded by.  But back to the future …

Remember back in school when you were assigned a book to read? No one ever read those books. Why read the book when you can watch the movie? Then CliffsNotes came about. Why watch a movie you don’t want to watch if you can just study the CliffsNotes?

Today you can find everything you need to know on Google™. All information known to man is posted on the World Wide Web. Just type in what you want to know, and bam – you’re there. It’s a cool thing, but it’s also a scary thing.

We are all receiving the same information. It’s all coming from the same source. Soon, our brains will all be plugged into the internet at all times. It’s the next step up from the iPhone. Instead of shuffling through a handheld computer, we’ll be shuffling through the information on cell phone-like devices that are implanted in our bodies. We would be able to access anything at any time.

That would make school and education obsolete. We could just upload basic information onto our hard drives (our brains). And since we were all accessing the same information, we would all be equally intelligent or qualified for a job. Everyone would finally be equal, but at what cost?

Everyone would want to be a doctor, a pilot, a pro athlete … and everyone would be qualified to do so, because we would have all the information needed to be anything we wanted to be. Wow, just think about the porn industry. I wonder if we would be able to videotape things using our eyes. That would be sweet.

It’s a fun and scary thought, but then again, no one can predict the future.

For now, I would like to encourage all of our successful, nerdy individuals to get out there and impregnate as many smart, hot chicks as you can. Plant your brainy seeds. And for all of us stupid people, let’s use condoms and try to control ourselves.  If worse comes to worst, we could just stick to fornicating with our dogs.