Today I am in a foul mood, because the world of underground pharmaceutical procurement has let me down.  I know what you are thinking: “But Sunny, you don’t use drugs!”  This may be true, but I still have connections.  You never know when being able to get your hands on an eight ball will save the life of someone you love…or at least help you get someone to “love” you.

But illegal narcotics aren’t the problem.  That stuff is easy, and so is the family of pills known as “Happy”: Vicodin^®, OxyContin^®, Xanabar…you might as well be asking for Skittles^® or M&M’s^®.  My problem stems from what should be the easiest thing in the world to obtain: antibiotics.  Yet, somehow, it is IMPOSSIBLE to get them.

I have an ear infection and can’t get any help.  My insurance situation right now is tedious at best, so I figured friends who have come through for me before might be able to step up again.  It doesn’t happen.  I know people on the inside of the system that can easily get me enough painkillers to make a PaulyShore show entertaining, but if you have a sinus infection, you are in trouble.  I have a friend who got me an IV bag of MORPHINE, but when I asked him about amoxicillin, you would have thought I was asking him to burn down a nursery school.

Now I see why hillbillies just make meth in their trailers: It’s a hell of a lot easier than trying to leave out some bread and hoping you get penicillin.  I know some of you people have an old bottle that you are hoarding in your medicine cabinet…holla at your boy.

You know what makes Baton Rouge great?  Diversity.  I passed a business the other day and was amazed.  Well, technically, it was a house, but on the outside was a sign that said: “Psychic.”

I get it.  Some people need to believe in unicorns and hobbits and such.  I am perfectly OK with that.

That being said, I had a huge problem with this business, because it was also kind of a car lot.  You can be a psychic, you can be a car lot, but you can’t be both.  One proves that you are no good at the other.

If you are truly a psychic, you don’t need a car lot.  Just roll up in somebody’s driveway, knock on his door, hand him the keys, and wait to get paid.  It’s not like he can haggle with you.  He can’t say, “I won’t pay $4900!” because you know he thinks he is getting a deal and was willing to pay $5200.  You can’t dicker pricing with somebody who is reading your mind.

Furthermore, you don’t need a lot, because it attracts people who are just browsing.  You don’t need them wasting your time.  “I am interested in the ‘92 Blazer…”

You just cut them off.  “I think we both know that you aren’t going to buy this vehicle. You have bigger things to worry about, especially considering the new…”

Wait, then you have them on the hook for a psychic reading…hmm, now that I think about it, this might not be a half-bad business investment, after all.