I don’t know about you, but I am thanking the football god that he is talking to the gods of weather to keep my LSU football season in one piece this year.  I forgot, however, to talk to the whiny political-correctness people and their little rag that they put out at school.

It seems that there are those at school who think the vulgarities that I, among thousands of other rabid fans, uttered upon the ears of the unbelieving visiting team were uncalled for and vile.  Thank goodness, those champions of mouth-breathing won’t come within ten miles of the temple of Saturday worship and ruin my fun each week.

For those who are visiting our fine city and just reading anything from here for the first time, and the three other citizens that have been living their lives here under a rock, Tiger Stadium holds 92,400 on any given Saturday.  And from what I have been told, there will be around 150,000 football fans descending upon LSU when we distribute another ass-whooping upon the Gators of Florida.  But to stop and think that all of us will be having soft drinks and waving those little pennants that say LSU at the stadium is just moronic.  What is this, the ‘50s?

We have a reputation of debauchery in this state, and we are damn proud of it.  Beer (it’s not just for breakfast), liquor, grills, girls, that hunk of a guy that carries that sign every week, and coeds covered in paint, all screaming “Tiger Bait” at anyone who has the balls to not wear purple and gold when visiting my school…that is what football is now.

The cheers we scream may be a bit risqué, may be a bit crude, hell, may be flat-out vulgar, but that’s us.  What other school has a pack of rabid fans that would scream though a two-hour downpour, choreograph different moves to match the various songs the band plays (name me a school that has a band that plays like ours…), and still bring other schools to their knees with the level of volume that we can generate.  “Bear” Bryant once said, “Playing in Tiger Stadium is like being inside of a drum.”  And do you honestly think that we are all chanting supportive cheers for the other team?  Get real!!

Now, really, local school paper, should I be ashamed that I like to drink, chant at other teams, and make up songs and cheers that poke fun at the other team, their players, and their coaches?  Should I sit there in my seat and yell, “Booo Gamecocks?”  No. We gang up and come up with cheers that incorporate the word “cock” as much as possible.  Not only that, but we have to add that word with Spurrier, and voilà, we have a fun weekend.  Beer and shots make it even more fun, and visitors from wherever the hell that losing team was from now have stories of the time they found out about what real tailgating is, got fed and drunk by the purple and gold, then got stomped.

Is it my fault that ESPN, CBS, and whatever other channel tries to broadcast us get all upset when the 120 decibels of the stadium are telling Spurrier to go fornicate with himself, or that the mascot of the University of South Carolina stinks?  I think that, if you get upset by hearing obscenities and drunks and loud places, then you should go to Ole Miss, at least until we get there and “educate” you in some football.