In this youth-obsessed culture, Father Time can be a real SOB. This is especially true for aging adults who didn’t have a fulfilling childhood and/or lack the means for plastic surgery. For some parents in this situation, about the only option left is reliving their younger days vicariously through their kids.

The image of Jesus Christ has reportedly been spotted in all sorts of places – in tortillas, sheet metal, and dental X-rays. While many people draw inspiration from these miraculous visages, many more who lack such faith are all too eager to ridicule those who claim they see the image of the Son of God in items like fish bones, spilled hot chocolate, and the discarded shell of a barbequed shrimp.

This month’s Hero proves that, even though a person’s public image was forged in gunfire, disputes can still be settled in a civil manner. More specifically, they can be settled in a civil court of law. To that end, 50 Cent has sued Taco Bell for $4 million for using his name without permission in a guerilla advertising campaign.

The plight of this month’s heroes ultimately turned out to be a great victory for same-sex marriage proponents the world over. Though their story took place in the land-locked, South American country of Paraguay, where same-sex marriage is illegal, the inspiration resulting from their saga knows no boundaries.

Even though June is the month to honor fathers, we’ve chosen a worthy mom as this issue’s Hero. In fact, she’s such a fantastically awesome mother, a group paid tribute to her maternal prowess by endowing her with its inaugural “Top Mom” award just days before Mother’s Day.

Kids these days are too insulated from the harsh realities that await them in the real world. This month’s hero, though, has written a children’s book that helps prepare them to face our brutally superficial society.

Most guys know that exotic dancers can break things in a man’s life: his pocketbook, his heart, and his marriage. This month’s hero, though, is living proof that a stripper can also break a man’s face, even without the aid of a 300-pound bouncer. Stephen Chang, who works as a securities trader in New York, claims in a lawsuit that he was injured while receiving a lap dance on November 2, 2007 at the Hot Lap Dance Club in Midtown Manhattan.

Sometimes, getting the shaft is a desirable thing. In fact, many folks will pay good money to get it. That’s why our Hero this month is the U.S. Fifth District Court of Appeals for overturning a Texas statute that outlawed the sale of sex toys.

In May 2007, Red Shtick publisher Jeremy White criticized the prognosticational prowess of Livingston Parish fortune-tellers. He questioned their ability to predict the future after no one from their industry appeared to oppose an ordinance that would effectively outlaw their livelihoods.

This month’s hero is an unlikely one, to say the least. He’s David Pfahler, a 60-year-old attorney who’s suing an 8-year-old boy for injuries he sustained from a collision on a ski slope in Beaver Creek, Colorado.