It’s almost that time of year again: Soon, fans all over Louisiana will be making an inventory of their tailgating equipment, much of which has melted in the attic. Many are already checking their supply of body paint, making adjustments to satellite dishes and gas grills, running their stereo equipment through last-minute sound checks, and stocking up on beer and sausage. Soon, we’ll see that familiar sight of recreational vehicles parading down Stanford Avenue. It’s the ultimate game day experience. High gas prices be damned! The only difference this year: some LSU fans, decked out in their finest purple and gold but unable to pay for gas, will be behind their RVs, pushing.

Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood’s mother said to her, “Little Red Riding Hood, soon I will have an operation that will make me look very different.”

“But Mommy, I don’t want you to look different,” said Little Red Riding Hood.

“Oh, Little Hood,” (she sometimes called her “Little Hood” for short), “let me show you something.” She picked up Little Red Riding Hood’s Barbie™ doll.

I am a huge Beatles fan – so much so that when my wife Rosa started talking about visiting her cousin Jane in Scotland, the first thing I thought was, "Unless I'm really off on my geography, Scotland is not far from Liverpool, England." (Like most Americans, geography is not my strong point. It was only recently that I discovered that West Virginia was, in fact, a separate and distinct state, and not just the left-hand side of Virginia.) As things turned out, Scotland was conveniently located next to England, so Jane and her husband Duncan graciously agreed to pick us up at the Glasgow airport and drive us to Liverpool – birthplace of the four lads from…uh, Liverpool.

This month’s column is about a brick. Not just any, ordinary brick, but a brick that has played a pivotal role in the history of rock and roll. It now serves as a rustic bookend on a shelf in my den. But before I tell you the story of my brick, I’d like to reflect for a moment on the cultural significance of bricks in general.

It was probably the strangest assignment I’d had in my 30 years as a detective for the New Orleans Police Department. I was called upon to investigate a series of injuries suffered by the readers of a women’s magazine, based in New Orleans, called Nymphopolitan, or Nympho for short.

This month’s column was originally entitled simply “The 2009 Federal Budget.” That was before I realized that my article from September 2004, entitled “Oprah, Barbie, and Kirstie Alley,” has had more hits (4,723) on the Red Shtick Magazine website than any other column I’ve ever written. Wow, I bet Oprah’s name had something to do with it!

Tiger fans have been walking on air ever since LSU won the 2007 BCS National Championship in a game played in the year 2008. This was not unusual. LSU won the 2003 national championship in a game played in 2004. The 2008 championship will be determined by a game played in 2009, and so on. This is done solely for tax reasons.

2007 was a year when America faced the difficult and serious issue of global warming and took gutsy measures to insure that our children and our children’s children would be spared the catastrophic consequences of…viewing someone else’s half-exposed buttocks. What I’m referring to, of course, is the action taken by towns across America to ban baggy pants.  Many concerned readers have written to me, demanding to know where I, as a presidential candidate, stand on this important issue.

A “Year in Review” column in December?  Why so early? Well, for one thing, I’m sick and tired of Dave Barry stealing all of my ideas and using them in his yearly review articles that always come out the week before mine. So, Dave, if you’re reading this, GO AHEAD AND HACK INTO MY COMPUTER. YOU’RE TOO LATE!

Last month, George Bush’s approval rating dropped to 31%. It would have dropped even lower had President Bush’s Scottish terrier, Barney, not participated in the latest telephone poll:

          “Press One for English, Two for Spanish, and Three if you’re a dog… Bark once if you disapprove of President Bush’s performance; bark twice if you approve of President Bush’s performance.”