Laser Tag Tournament to Decide New Assignments; Teepell Might Change Name to That of Older Brady Brother

Increasingly unsatisfied with his inner circle of advisors, Governor Bobby Jindal said in July he will reassign senior administration staffers based on their performance in a round-robin tournament of Laser Tag.

The Great Big Story

“Yeah, you like that, don’t you, bitch?” ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson asked in June. “You like what Big Daddy’s got down there, don’t you?”

Tillerson, who has headed the nation’s most profitable corporation since 2006, roughly grabbed you around the waist, ordering that ass to shake while “Big Daddy gives it to you good.”

The Great Big Story

A team of physicists at Alabama’s Jacksonville State University announced in May they were developing “groundbreaking” technology that will allow them to travel into Ryan Perrilloux’s plane of reality.

Former BR Mayor Insists He’s Not Dead Yet

Metro Councilman Byron Sharper has proposed renaming a large stretch of Interstate 10 in Baton Rouge in honor of former Baton Rouge Mayor Tom Ed McHugh.

The Great Big Story

In the wake of Eliot Spitzer’s resignation as New York governor, high-end prostitutes around the country began a “whore-out” in March, refusing to have sex until their clients become more adept at skirting the law.

“We’re the best tail in the world,” said Vivian LeStade, president of United Escorts International. “If you’re going to get some of this, you better know how to move money into an offshore account without getting busted or learn how to keep your name out of some madam’s little black book.”

The Great Big Story

Baton Rouge publisher Rolfe McCollister has agreed to personally pay for a statewide “ethics orgy” planned for next month at the Old State Capitol.

McCollister said he would use his own funds to cover the costs of food, alcohol, prostitutes, sex toys, and horse tranquilizers that will be available at the bacchanalian meeting to discuss the Jindal administration’s ongoing efforts with ethics reform.

McCollister said that, by paying for the orgy, he would send a message to fellow Louisiana citizens that Governor Jindal’s administration is “serious about transparency in state government.”

The Great Big Story

LSU football fans wasted little time celebrating January’s BCS Championship victory over Ohio State with raucous parties, parades, and frequent, public masturbation.

BATON ROUGE – Baton Rouge Business Report publisher Rolfe McCollister was named in December as the successor to TV gadget pitchman Billy Mays.

TUSCALOOSA, AL – Despite Les Miles’ comments to the contrary, LSU might still be courting Alabama’s Nick Saban for a return to Tiger football.

BATON ROUGE – Nick Saban garnered 50.2% of the vote in October 20 balloting, defeating his three opponents and avoiding a runoff for the distinction as Louisiana’s biggest a–hole.