Summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime: sunny days, baseball games, and movies, movies, movies. Summer 2008 has been and will be a veritable cornucopia of Hollywood glitz, glamour, explosions, popcorn, nachos, and jujubes … the sweet smells of summer at a theater near you. Yeah, there’ll be a whole lot of super heroism, super villainy, and things blowing up real good.

I told a young friend of mine that I hadn't been this excited about a summer of movies since 1989. She told me, "Wow, you're old!” Later, I put dye in her laundry. I guess that is what life is all about…that, and adopting My Name Is Earl as my new favorite show. Yeah, it's only because of Alyssa Milano, but can you think of a better reason to watch TV? Don't answer. That was rhetorical.

It’s the dawn of a new era! It’s a great day for the state of Louisiana! It’s the golden age of the small and silver screens once again, as the fertile field that is Louisiana politics attracts movie studios like cows to a verdant meadow.

Greetings, salutations, hello, and whaddup! I was only arrested twice this past month for harassing celebrities and trespassing, but I got a few tidbits on what’s happening in the entertainment world.  Let’s not waste more time with a silly introductory paragr…

Lindsay Lohan naked.  Lindsay Lohan naked? Lindsay Lohan naked!  Okay, I know I'm not the only one that was a little bit excited last month when little Miss Lohan bared all in a Marilyn Monroe-inspired photo spread.  Yeah, she's not the little pristine scamp that we grew to love all those years ago in Disney's remake of The Parent Trap. She's more tramp than scamp nowadays, with an uncanny ability to pick movie roles that are at once lousy and simultaneously stupid.  Still, for all of us who were eagerly anticipating her 18th birthday a few years back, having a nice, artistic set of photos is great…a lot better than those fuzzy, internet, nip-slip pictures.  Oh joy.  Oh joy.

Love.  You're better off without it, and I'm better off without mine. What did they call it in Princess Bride? A dream within a dream.  A nightmare, more like.  Love is patient? Love is kind? Bah! Love is hurried.  Love is cruel.  Love stinks.  (Yeah, yeah.)

2008!  Wow, who’da thunk it? I thought I'd be dead by now, like John Belushi or Chris Farley, but I guess I'm not famous enough.  Whatever shall I do with these extra 365 – wait! – 366 days that I've been granted by Fate, Destiny, and Providence?! After I take out the garbage.  And tear all of my hair out because Jessica Alba is freakin' pregnant!

December, Le Decembre, Diciembre, Dezember, Juu-ni Getsu. Yes, yes, that magical month is upon us. In many parts of the Northern Hemisphere, it means snowball fights, snow angels, tobogganing, and school cancellations due to inclement weather. Here, it pretty much means the rain gets a little colder. But it is also that magical time of year when the boob tube bestows upon us the magic of the Christmas TV special. Don't it feel good to be an American?

Remember; remember the month of November, the turkey and the dressing.  I know it's perky if the turkey receives the Thanksgiving blessing.  I'm getting hungry right now.  I need to go slather myself in gravy and…wait a minute; this is not an internet chat room.  My peculiar proclivities will have to wait until another time, a time when I can get my hands on some cranberry sauce.

Well, Tim Burton's epic stop-motion classic is back! The Nightmare Before Christmas is hitting theaters.  Again!  But this time it's in 3-D! Wait, it was in 3-D the last time it came to the movies, last year.  Okay, this time it's exactly the same as it was last year! How exciting!