Just because you’re a Kardashian and featured in an E! reality series, it doesn’t mean you’re a bona fide celebrity. This is especially true when you’re the younger, less attractive sister of Kim Kardashian.

Perhaps this was the motivation behind Khloe Kardashian’s decision to violate her 3-year-long probation stemming from a March 2007 drunken-driving arrest. At a July 3 court hearing, the 24-year-old daughter of O.J. Simpson’s defense attorney Robert Kardashian admitted that she failed to complete a roadside cleanup duty and enroll in an alcohol education class.

She was subsequently sentenced to 30 days in jail. The resulting exposure meant that millions of people who knew nothing about Keeping Up with the Kardashians or her sister’s sex tape learned that Khloe existed and was even considered famous enough by some in the media to dedicate news coverage to her ordeal. There really is no such thing as bad publicity.

We can hardly blame her for what she did. Along with her two older sisters, she owns and operates a clothing boutique in Los Angeles. Can you imagine what would happen to her fashion career if In Touch magazine published photos of her picking up trash in an orange trash-picker suit?

While drunk driving may not be the best way to garner public attention, some may argue it’s a bit classier than a sex tape. Plus, despite the fact that Khloe is over six feet tall and dwarfs her elder sister in stature, she just can’t escape the enormous shadow cast by Kim’s famous, quasi-cartoonish ass.

According to the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department, Khloe was processed in the Lynwood, California jail for women (the same facility that housed Paris Hilton after her DUI case) at 10:36 a.m. on July 18. She was released later that afternoon at 1:29 p.m.

Now, some may scoff at the fact that she spent less than three hours in jail, but that’s still 173 minutes more than her late father’s most famous client served for double murder.

Even though her biological father was no longer around to work his courtroom magic and keep Khloe out of the slammer, she still has the full support of her family, including her stepfather Bruce Jenner. Decades before his severe BOTOX^® addiction, Jenner graced boxes of Wheaties^®after winning the decathlon in the 1976 Olympics.

Since the Olympics take place this month in Beijing, China, we thought it fitting to make Bruce Jenner’s stepdaughter this month’s BACS honorable mention. Likewise, we also thought it fitting to assign each of our contestants an Olympic event or sport.

It’s our sincere hope that this month’s BACS will help you catch the spirit of the Olympics. If not, you can always pour some in a glass. Just don’t get too close to the Olympic flame.

Our top ten contestants were arrested and booked for suspicion of driving while intoxicated according to The Advocatereports from June 23 – July 20, 2008.

10. Rakhee Patel P., 33, 1^st-offense DWI and failure to yield from a private driveway.

Rakhee’s sport is boxing. Unfortunately, she’ll have to wait four years for women’s Olympic boxing to debut at the 2012 London Games. When it does, though, the crowds at her bouts can chant, “Rakhee! Rakhee!!!”

9. David Spartin T., 25, 1^st-offense DWI and failure to maintain control of a vehicle.

Much like the ancient Spartans were known for their long spears, ladies say David Spartin has a notable “spear,” too. That’s why his event is the javelin. Of course, unlike typical javelin throws, many women report catching one of his “tosses” is quite pleasurable.

8. John William A., 41, 2^nd-offense DWI and urinating in public.

Not only does John like to fire his “weapon” in front of other people, his aim is reportedly fairly accurate. His sport is shooting.

7. Ramiro Perez I., 35, 3^rd-offense DWI and resisting an officer.

Given that Ramiro drinks like a fish, we can only conclude that he can swim like one, too. According to many female bar patrons, he specializes in the breaststroke. Careful, Ramiro: Try that on the wrong girl and you might wind up in the rowing competition when she gives you a coxless pair.

6. David Michael B., 37, 3^rd-offense DWI, hit and run, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, and reckless operation of a vehicle.

David would be an awesome Olympic gymnast since he seems to love bars. Whether it’s parallel bars, the horizontal bar, or a dive bar, David’s at home with any of them. Fortunately, though, the balance beam is strictly a woman’s apparatus, because David has trouble walking the straight line during roadside sobriety tests.

5. Danny Boy C., 38, 3^rd-offense DWI, possession of marijuana, and obstruction of a public passage.

“Oh, Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling.” Since he gets quite high with the aid of a long cylindrical object, his event is the pole vault.

4. Albert Delwayne G., 33, 4^th-offense DWI, reckless operation of a vehicle, failure to obey stop or yield sign, driver’s license required, and drinking in a motor vehicle.

Albert is a hammer thrower because he gets hammered then throws up. Now that’sprojectile vomiting.

3. Chadwick M., 33, 4^th-offense DWI, improper lane usage, flight from an officer, reckless operation of a vehicle, and driver’s license suspended or revoked.

Chadwick’s an equestrian due to the fact that, when drunk, he acts like a horse’s ass.

2. Jefforey Thomas B., 38, 3^rd-offense DWI, disobeying a red light, improper lane usage, reckless operation of a vehicle, possession of Schedule I drugs, and speeding.

Jefforey would be an awesome shot-putter, because no matter how many shots are put in front of him, he just keeps tossing them back.

1. Darryl S., 43, 5^th-offense DWI, headlights required, improper lane usage, and open container in public violation.

As a 5-time veteran of the BACS, Darryl is this month’s winner of the Judge Don Johnson Trophy. If he had been an Olympic athlete instead of a drunk driver, he’d be a lock to win gold in the modern pentathlon.

Congratulations, Darryl. You’ve won this installment of the Blood Alcohol Championship. We’ll all be looking out for you on the roads. To claim your trophy, simply pick up a copy of Red Shtick and cut it out. Just be careful not to cut your finger in the process.