In this youth-obsessed culture, Father Time can be a real SOB. This is especially true for aging adults who didn’t have a fulfilling childhood and/or lack the means for plastic surgery. For some parents in this situation, about the only option left is reliving their younger days vicariously through their kids.

This month’s hero, though, has shown these desperate thirty-somethings that there is a much more gratifying alternative to avenge the evil wrought by the hands of time. Instead of reliving your youth through your child, why not do so by becoming your child?

Much like Roger Bannister proved in 1954 that the human body could run a mile in under four minutes, Wendy Brown of Green Bay, Wisconsin showed that it is possible for a 33-year-old mother to assume her 15-year-old daughter’s identity.

While it sounds far-fetched, Brown managed not only to pose as her daughter at Ashwaubenon High School, but also practice with the cheerleading squad, get assigned a cheerleader’s locker, and even attend a pool party at the cheerleading coach’s house. Meanwhile, the daughter was living in Nevada with Brown’s mother.

School officials and teachers said Brown appeared older but had a teenager-like demeanor. A school employee even said that Brown told her she wasn’t good at math and cried when she talked about moving from Pahrump Valley High School in Nevada. Brown knows that, if you long to recapture your teenage years, it helps if you’ve never mentally left them.

For those who might want to follow Brown’s example, here are some helpful tips to glean from her experience. First, make sure your kid is in another state at least two time zones away. Second, it’s much easier to blend in with teenagers half your age in a place that isn’t known for beautiful kids, like Wisconsin. And finally, if you’re invited to a pool party, wear a one-piece to cover the C-section scar.

Some less enlightened people, like those in law enforcement, have deemed Brown’s actions as identity theft. We at Red Shtick see it differently. If Bill Cosby can get away with telling his child, “I brought you in this world, and I can take you out,” what’s wrong with a woman pretending to be her child? She took the kid’s identity, not her life.

Police discovered Brown’s real identity after a truancy investigation was initiated when she didn’t attend school after the first day. Truant officers found Brown sitting in the county jail after the $134.50 check to the cheerleading coach for her uniform bounced. Just like a teenager to spend money she doesn’t have.

Brown reportedly told Green Bay police she wanted to make up for missed childhood experiences, like getting her diploma and joining the cheerleading squad. Simply getting her GED wouldn’t make the grade for Brown.

While some may be appalled by Brown’s actions, we applaud them. Brown may have failed in maintaining her reclaimed adolescence, but she opened the door for countless adults in similarly sullen straits.

Additionally, as a retro teenager, she could have taught actual teenagers important things they might not have otherwise learned. For instance, pubescent girls with parents less-than-forthcoming about the birds and the bees could have had the blanks filled in by a biological 33-year-old woman posing as a 15-year-old girl.

Also, she could have shown fellow cheerleaders how to really keep their boyfriends happy. Go, team!